09 May 2004 #0419.html

Mary May's Last Party

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Dear Paul and Kate, Melanie and Jared, Bridget and Justin, Sara, Ben and Sarah, Heather, Audrey, Rachel, Matt via hardcopy, and Brian,

cc: file, Andrea, Tony Hafen, Sara and Des Penny, & Maxine Shirts

Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea, belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail box at any time.

"Busy week. It was centered around Aunt Mary Mae's last party, both spiritually, temporally, spatially, and physically. You may wonder why I use the binary word both to introduce a four-dimensional matrix. It is because I have been struggling with the relationship of the spirit and time and the relationship of location and the physical. I've been reading the book `Bold New Worlds,' which Ben and Sarah gave me for Christmas, and it talks about the placeless society, instant communications, and it is natural for me to correlate what I am reading with my scripture studies. So the question for each of you to ponder this week is whether the above list is a two-dimensional or a four-dimensional matrix. I look forward to any comments or thoughts which will help me in this, my most recent struggle.

Monday morning started with a meeting with three Spotfire representatives. By the time I was back from Mary May's last party they had me a formal proposal for software, a server, and services to tie into the 75-dimensional GDC rock properties database. This was also the week for the OTC, and I didn't go over to the Astro Hall Convention Center. Surprising it has already been a year since I went on my first Segway ride, had a handshaking demonstration of Robonaut, and spent several hours talking with the author of a new book (../0319.html). I wonder what happened with his book.

Tuesday morning I got up and spent from 6:00 to 6:30 calling Sara Ellyn every five minutes. No answer! I've been worried about her ever since. Oh well! In the afternoon Roger Anderson came by and we spent an hour talking about the automation of training courses, and electronic follow-up to monitor learnings. There was an article in Monday's paper about Houston's efforts to better monitor ozone and CO2, and we talked about my 2002 ideas concerning WristInfoSM (http://www.walden3d.com/wristinfo). He likes the idea of putting sensors on a half mile grid over the entire city; measuring temperature, pressure, noise (traffic), rainfall, CO2, ozone, pollen counts, and other pollutants; having these sensors be able to be polled by cell phone numbers; automatically creating an Infinite GridSM map of the measurements; and allowing folks to these downloaded these data to people's WristInfoSM. It will be interesting to see if anything comes from the discussion. I got a call from a potential client as we were finishing our discussion, and was rude to Roger. Oh well! As soon as I got off of the phone I headed out to Bush Intercontinental Airport to go to Mary May's last party.

I worked on my new computer (0418.html) on the way out to Phoenix. I slept from Phoenix to Las Vegas. It was 2:00 AM Wednesday Houston time when I got to Grandma Shirts'. She was reading and glad to see me. Mom, it was good to see you too! I love your new door. It is really nice. Maybe the Chinese are right, the entrance sets the tone and the key for any home or building. I didn't wake up until 9:00 Houston time, 8:00 Utah time. Ironed my shirts, pants, and coat. Had a shower and shaved. Packed up one of the four boxes I have left in Grandma Shirts' garage.

I stopped and said hi to Ray Gardner. On the way into the office, Carmen Jones and Jen Gardner, Ray's Mom, were talking, having just unloaded a couple of bags of mulch. It was so good to see them and to have and give a hug. My roots are very deep in Southern Utah. Ray tells me they are trying to raise $22 million for the science center down by Hurricane. The biggest costs will be for a new digital planetarium. I need to spend some time thinking about this and talking to Carolyn Sumners about it. Too many things to do. Oh well!

I was back to Aunt Sara's at 9:00, when she returned from her dental appointment. I did drive past the house a couple of times, because the tree out front has been cut down because the roots were affecting drainage from the basement. Rachel and Brian were just coming out of the house and it was sure good to see both of you. Hugs and handshakes are wonderful. Des drove out to the church by the farm alone, because he needed to come back into school for a test, and Aunt Sara and I rode out together to Mary May's last party.

It was good to see my relatives. What wonderful people. The three Kruger's (as in the three Nephites, only the only thing in common is the number three) were there, along with Big Roice's son Kent. I had not seen Joyce for years. I saw Annette, Leon, Paul, and Carl at Mom's funeral last year, and on some of my other trips to Utah. Uncle Willis Gurr had a pacemaker operation. Aunt Shirley and their two girls in attendance looked great. Uncle Lloyd had a hip replacement, and looked good. Aunt Luana is my friend, and they have volunteered for Heather to stay with them until she can find an apartment to stay in. Their sons Eric, Claude, Dean, and Mike were there. Uncle Ted and Aunt Vanna were there with their kids. I spent quite a bit of time talking to Neil, and have already had a couple of e-mail follow-ups from Neil concerning MySQL based genealogy records on the web. Those of you who read these thoughtlets will read more about this in the future. I saw Susan and her husband Gary, and we did not talk. Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine were there with Mark, and other children and grandchildren. I need to get to know everyone better. My Mom was always so bitter and angry at the Nelson's, treating them poorly and saying mean things about some of them. I guess all I can do is feel sorry for her for not getting to know them and for not seeing them for who they are.

Just before the family prayer, Big Roice was talking to Kent and so I went over to check on what he was saying about me. We told Kent about the time I drove over to pick up Roice when he got off of the bus, and he jumped in the ditch because he thought the truck was coming after him. It was a big deal when I got big enough I could see over the steering wheel. He reminded me of when Mom got her yellow GTO with duel chrome carburetors, and how she let him drive it down to the bottom of the Minnersville Road. He peeled out, leaving tire marks for several hundred feet, and by the time we reached the house the engine was overheating. The fan belts had come off, and we had to go get them fixed. He said, `She was pretty nice to me about that. You know, she could be quite mean when she didn't like things.' We talked about the time I visited when Uncle Bill was the superintendent at Zion Park, and we both got sunburned so bad playing in the sprinkler that we both had blisters on our back. It is absolutely amazing about the amount of information, feelings, stories, and love that can be shared in two minutes at an event like Aunt Mary May's last party.

Carl gave the family prayer. Paul gave the invocation at the funeral. Lynn dedicated the grave. I firmly believe Aunt Mary was there watching her sons, and that she is very proud of them and their contributions. I didn't take notes at the funeral. I noticed my cousin Claude taking pages of notes, and so maybe someday you will have more to read about the funeral. There were four speakers, each of whom talked about 30 minutes. I loved it. Some had a hard time sitting that long. There was a nice musical number, very complex, that included Brent Hunter who leases Dad's farm. Bishop Bruce Lee made a comment I found interesting. He talked about moving to Cedar Valley in 1978, and how even though he is such a newcomer to Cedar Valley, his children were all born and raised in the valley, and he is very proud that they are part of the heritage of Cedar Valley. I wrote three possible stanzas for Prime Words on the back of my swallow's counting sheet:

`Touched by this valley And the good people Who live here(a) and rally Worshiping under the steeple (a) Bishop Bruce Lee Your body may Leave this island But your spirit Will never leave(a) (a) Quoted from the movie, The Other Side of Heaven Be like Aunt Mary May Always either planning a party Or be having a party Or be cleaning up a party(a) (a) Charlene Barton, Mary May Winters Nelson's Eulogy'


Aunt Sara and I went back to Grandma Shirts' to pick up some diskettes for the video camera before going to the graveside service. I took a bunch of photos of family and friends. Someday they will get loaded on the website. Not enough disk space right now. Oh well! We talked to Helga Grimshaw and her daughter Dorothy. Talked to all of Mary May's kids and their spouses and as many kids as possible. My most enlightening conversation was with Ivan Matheson:

Ivan: `Roice, it is good to see you. Too bad it is only at funerals.' Me: `Yes. It is so sad to see so many people in the valley die from cancer.' Ivan: `Yes it does seem like we have had too much cancer in Cedar Valley.' Me: `Dad and Grandpa Hafen both died from cancer. I was always with them when I was growing up. I have come to expect to die early from cancer.' Ivan: `Yea, I've been worried about that too. You know I was with the first troops to go into Hiroshima right after the atomic bomb was dropped there.' Me: `I didn't know that. However, I do know the promise of the Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood, as written in the 84th section of the Doctrine and Covenants: For whoso is faithful unto the obtaining these two priesthoods of which I have spoken, and the magnifying their calling, are sanctified by the Spirit unto the renewing of their bodies.' Ivan: `Yes, the gospel is a wonderful blessing.'


We each had tears in our eyes. How does one explain you know there will be several sharing moments like this to your boss when you tell him you are going to take off of work for a day to fly to Utah for a funeral? How do you explain to your kids, those you love more than anyone else in the world, the importance of family and of not compromising themselves with the garbage of this world and the stains that come from following the lead of Satan? The older I get the more I realize the heroes I grew up with:

Is it any wonder I tear up when I see the flag, hear the National Anthem, or watch the news about the soldier's in Iraq? Sara Ellyn, do you understand why I reacted so strongly when you and your Mom were talking about the flag with what I perceived as disrespect so many years ago? I'm sorry, and I'm not. I'm sorry I reacted and could not find the words to explain my reaction. I'm proud to stand up for the flag, and hope each of you will always be proud to also.

Aunt Sara pointed out Mom's tombstone. I hadn't noticed, even though Aunt Mary Mae's tombstone sits at the foot of Mom's grave site, and Uncle Bud's is at the food of Dad's grave site. Aunt Sara has tried to get some trees or rose bushes to grow by the tombstones, and has been unsuccessful. Oh well! Paul Nelson and I had a discussion about fixing Grandma Nelson's tombstone so it reads her correct birthday. She was 1 1/2 years older than Grandpa, and only wanted to be 1/2 year older, so she fabricated her birth year. Oh well!

Aunt Sara had saved me a copy of Mary May's obituary from The Spectrum, Tuesday, May 4, 2004, page A10:

`Mary May Winters Nelson Cedar City - Mary May Winters Nelson, age 81, passed around away surrounded by family and friends in her home April 30, 2004 after losing the battle against cancer. She was born in Devil's Slide, Utah on February 10, 1923 to Hyrum and Mabel Anne Richins Winters. She married Garth (Bud) Bengt Nelson on June 13, 1945 in the Salt Lake Temple. She graduated from BAC with a degree in Home Economics. Mary May was active in 4-H in her youth and adult life. She won an award in canning which earned her a trip to Chicago, IL. Many of the talents that she learned in her youth were used in her life, and she loved sharing them with others. She was a caterer for many years and made numerous wedding cakes for family and friends. She was well known for her Candy Making. She worked at SUSC as the baker where she perfected her Sweet Rolls. Mary May was active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, serving in Stake and Ward Relief Society and Stake and Ward Primary. She and Bud were the leaders of the M-Men and Gleaners in their ward. She was a great Humanitarian. She and the family made many quilts for Primary Children's Medical Center and many projects for the church's Humanitarian Program. Mary May is survived by her children Carl Bengt (Cathy) Nelson, Paul Winters (Sharon) Nelson, Kerry Lynn (Ann) Nelson, Annette (Mike) Damavandi, Leon Roice (Megan) Nelson all of Cedar City, and Joyce (Richard) Haynes of Delta, UT; 22 grandchildren, and 17 great grandchildren. She was preceded in death by her parents, sisters Opal and Kaye, brother Keith, son Hyrum Boyd, and also her husband Bud (1979). Funeral services will be held Wednesday, May 5, 2004 at 11:00 a.m. at the Enoch Stake Center (3600 N Minersville Hwy, Enoch), Friends and family may visit Tuesday evening from 6:00-8:00 p.m. at Southern Utah Mortuary and Wednesday morning from 9:00-10:30 a.m. at the church. Interment will be in the Cedar City Cemetery. Condolences may be sent through our Web site at www.southernutahmortuary.com. (435) 586-4040.'


Aunt Sara and I left the funeral and went out to Mary May's house for Mary May's last party. Dutch Oven potatoes. Sweet Rolls. Pickled mushrooms. Four kinds of quiche. Fruit. Candy. Family. Friends. Southern Utah wind and sunshine. Definitely a good party. I spent most of my time there talking to my cousin Niel. The wind blew over my water glass twice, and I got sunburned. Oh well! It was nice to be there, and it was nice to say encouraging words to each of Mary May's kids. The ones strong in the gospel were doing just fine. The ones who are not so involved right now where having a pretty hard time. Mehdi (Mike) Damavandi, Annette's husband, told me about when he was a student at CSU (now SUU) from Iran, Annette is Mary May's oldest daughter and was in Andrea's High School class. Mike said that when all of the students went home for Christmas, leaving the foreign students alone at the dorm, Mary May was the only person who looked in on them, invited all of them out to the farm, and had a party for them. And now he is her son-in-law, and the father of three beautiful grandchildren. These are the kind of things Mary May wanted to come out in her last party.

I went back to Grandma Shirts, packed up, said good-bye, and drove over to Aunt Sara's. Des was back from class, and so I fired up the new laptop computer and showed him SpotFire. I was surprised to learn that he does not have data sets which would take advantage of the kinds of data mining we are doing at GDC. As I told him, the SpotFire commercial model does not encourage selling to universities, and yet I think it is the kind of took that all university students should know about and be fluent in using. Oh well! Des gave me a slice of his new no-rising bread. It is really good. Then I went downstairs and talked to Rachel and Brian. Rachel has had a hard semester. She is looking forward to coming home. She was afraid she was going to say something mean to her Dad at Heather's graduation, and I told her not to, and if she had to say anything, just to say that her stepfather told her not to say anything mean because he (I) know how much she loves him and wants a good relationship. Brian showed me 4 of his 8 new guitars. Pretty fancy instruments. Brian, it was fun to talk to you about your possibly going back to Beijing and teaching guitar for a while. We will see what happens next week when I talk about it with Jialin and his family. By the time all of this happened it was 5:00, and according to my calculation it was time to head out to Las Vegas in the Budget Rental Car. I was hoping to see Grant and Kate, but they did not make it before I left.

I made good time, and so I stopped and said hi to Ward and Fern Abbott in Washington. They are looking good, and were just about to sit down to dinner. Even though I had a plate of food at Aunt Mary May's last party, I decided to stop at Larson's in St. George and splurge. A King Burger, large onion rings, blackberry malt, and small glass of water, and I was on my way to Las Vegas. Andrea had told me she had put me on the later flight, because it got into Houston at the same time. I had in my mind she had said it was at 8:30 PM. When I looked at the ticket in the afternoon, I was fooled by my vertical dyslexia, saw 8:45, thought it was the time leaving Vegas, when it was actually the time arriving in Phoenix, and so I was completely taken back when I got to the check-in counter and learned that the plane had left 15 minutes before I arrived. Oh Well! The ticket agent was very nice, and transferred my ticket to the next Continental flight. It left at 1:30 AM Vegas Time, which is 3:30 AM Houston Time. I went upstairs, laid down on the floor and went to sleep. Once I woke up, all the people around me had left, and I thought I'd missed my flight again. However, it was at the next gate and a different flight. There were not that many on the plane, I had three seats, and so I laid across the three seats and slept to Houston. When I got to Houston I shaved, put on some deodorant (i.e. rubbing alcohol, see ../0341.html), changed into the clothes I wore on Tuesday, and went to work. I arrived at the office via The Hardy Toll road, I-45, and I-10 at 8:05 AM.

Thursday was a long day. In the morning I put together a new presentation for BP. I drove out to the house, got some names off of the broken contact database, ate some lunch, and was back to BP's office for a meeting at 12:50. This meeting was set up by Vince Felt, whom I had talked to at the Special Olympics a few weeks ago. The technical guy turned out to be Jean Paul (JP) Blangy, someone I had worked with years before when he was with Amos Nur at the Stanford Rock Physics Lab. He lives in Windsor Lakes, and mentioned he sees me out running on Baker Road fairly regularly. I thought the meeting went well, although Lee Bell, the President of GDC and my boss, thought that the meeting with Fred Hilterman and company to define what will be presented to TGS back at the office afterwards was a better meeting. I was quite tired by the time I headed out to the house. I forgot that there was the annual choir banquet, and drove out to Academy to price Kayak's. They cost between $250 and $350. Oh well! I was interested because I had volunteered to take the Stevens out to Columbus on Saturday, and thought it would be nice to get a couple of kayaks to take them around the river bend, and to have for Matt and Rachel this summer. Funny how our minds work when we are tired. The Choir Concert was long. It is Mrs. Land's last year of teaching. She has been at Taylor High School for 31 years. They did a good job of recognizing each of the senior students in choir. However, we did not get back to the house until 9:30 PM. I read the papers and went to sleep.

Friday was more of the same at work. I spent much of the day taking some digital photos and getting them ready for the prototype project Ken Butler and I have been working on. I also received the stereo glasses that I'd ordered after Roice told me about them. I spent Friday night and available time on Saturday putting some examples of stereo images together. I went for a run Saturday morning for the first time in quite a while. Andrea and I went to Matt's soccer game. I spent a few hours putting together an e-mail about genealogy for Neil Nelson. Andrea and I took Matt to work and went back to Cinemark and watched the movie Mickey. It is a John Grisham movie about a boy who lies and goes to the Little League World Championships against Cuba. Good movie. I especially encourage Ethan, Grant, and Colby to see it when they are about six years old. Lot's of good messages.

Sunday was nice. I got up early and peeled potatoes. The talks in Sacrament Meeting were about Mother's day. They were exceptionally good. I wrote two possible stanzas for Prime Words:

`Some say things are secret In the holy temple However, the covenants are sacred Lighting life's path by example (a) (a) Based on Janet Bartlet's sacrament meeting talk on Mother's Day, 09 May 2004 Those who rock the cradle Can rock Satan's empire(a) Nourishing with spirit and ladle Keeping us from ending up in the fire (a) Reynold's Cahoon quoting Sheri Dew's November 2001 talk titled `We Are All Mothers' in Sacrament Meeting'


After church we came home and Matt helped me start a fire for Dutch Oven Potatoes and fruit cobbler. We cooked hamburgers on the grill, and had Jell-O and very nice shrimp. The Stevens were tied up on Saturday, and came over for Sunday afternoon. As we were walking in to get the plates for lunch, Tim gave one of those understated very nice and unexpected compliments. He said under his breath as he walked into the house: `Very civilized!' I told Andrea. We both really liked it. Shannon Connors brought over her two little sisters and so we had a regular party. I played the guitar after cooking, and we sat around and talked until about 5:30. All of the time I was thinking about how much I enjoy preparing for a party, having a party, and even cleaning up the party. In other words, I was thinking about Mary May's last party."

I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of daily life. To download any of these thoughtlets go to http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets or e-mail me at rnelson@walden3d.com.

With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)

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Copyright © 2004 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.