Welcome to "the engines of my love," a regular review
of why I love you, Martha Ellyn Sharp Nelson, and no
other woman.
I love you because you helped define my vision. You also helped to
define my illusions. When I told Dr. White what was written on my wedding
ring she let out a laugh and said `Well you certianly accomplished that.
No one can create a celestial kingdom on earth. You had to bust. That is
a setup for failure. That is an illusion.' After the session on Sunday
one of the ladys in PAIRS came up and said, `Roice, you are never going
to get rid of your illusions until you are able to take off that wedding
ring.' It hurt so much to cut through the wedding ring with the pliars.
It was nice how you dispassionately sat there and watched me attempt to
cut through the ring, and when I couldn't do it said `Well you just don't
have the right tool.' Well I got a sledge hammer and finished the job.
Monday night I was suspose to have written out my illusions. Rather I
took in a wedding ring with a gap in it. It was declared a start, but
the declaration was made with only a little enthusiasm.
The lady that talked to me about the ring brought in the following
quote for me on `The Art of Marriage:'
"Most people get married believing in a myth; they imagine that marriage
is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for:
Companionship, sexual fulfillment, intimacy, friendship. The truth is
that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in
before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage; love is
in people and people put that love into marriage. There is no romance in
marriage; people have to infuse romance into their marriage. A couple must
learn the art, and form the habit, of giving, loving, serving, keeping the
box full. If you take out more than you put in, then the box will be empty."
I am striving to define my illusions so I can discard them. I still
have my vision of an eternal marriage to you and of an eternal family,
which in this life has a photograph on the wall like the one Uncle Lloyd
and Aunt Luana have on their wall. In my mind we are still married.
We were married by the priesthood and in the House of the Lord. You have
not asked to have that knot untied. It is true we are divorced in the
eyes of the world. It is true we can not have sex if I want to be true
to my temple covenants. But it is also true that this can be changed.
I hope some of these words will encourage you to consider joining with
me in a common vision, welding the gap in my wedding ring back together,
and living after the order of happiness. I hope for this because I love you.
I'm interested in sharing why I love you. I know how important
the written word is to you, and if you ever feel neglected,
ignored, or unloved, and would like an up-to-date bound copy of
these lovelets or any subset of these lovelets for any purpose
you might have come to mind, please tell me or e-mail your request
to rnelson@walden3d.com with the request 'lovelet update.'
With all my love,
Roice