Letters Home
Dear Paul and Kate, Melanie and Jared, Bridget and Justin, Sara, Ben and Sarah, Heather, Audrey, Rachel, Matt via hardcopy, and Brian,
cc: file, Andrea, Tony Hafen, Sara and Des Penny,
& Maxine Shirts
Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea,
belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit
to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended
family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail
box at any time.
"I left home to go to the NSF (National Science Foundation) Summer Science Institute at
Oregon State University in Corvallis the summer of 1968.
I came back for a few weeks, then left for Salt Lake and
The University of Utah. I came home for Thanksgiving and
Christmas, and came home the summer after my first year
of at the `U' to watch Nelson Meat Packing Plant be closed
down. The following summer I worked in Denver, then came
home for a few weeks prior to my mission. After my mission
I was home for a couple of months before going back to the
`U.' And that was the last time I really lived at home.
I had - and probably still have more than I would like to
admit - a lot of pent up anger about stuff that happened
while growing up. It has certainly come out sideways in
these Thoughtlets. It was much more direct in some of the
letters I sent home. There are over 100 boxes of stuff in
the garage, and I admit much of this stuff is an attempt to
prove to myself, and to my mother, that I am an OK person,
despite all of my weaknesses and insecurities. In those
boxes are copies of some very nasty letters that I wrote
home to my mother. As I am older and look back I wish I
would have been mature enough and that I had the emotional
tools to talk through and come to understand and to work
out the issues which have been such a driving force in my
life. I didn't. Oh well! Life continues and all I can
hope is that by being open and honest with those I love
that maybe some of you will not make the same mistakes of
bottling up emotions and running away from one of the most
important relationships in your life. And for those of
you who do not see or accept my honest and loving attempt
to share lessons learned, OH WELL, I feel sorry for you,
and I still love you and always will.
When I was in Cedar City (0436.html), Aunt Sara had a book
on her reading table. The book was bound at Kinko's and
is titled `Letters Home.' It is a memoir of Henry Wendell
Jones, May 19, 1915 to January 15, 2002. I grew up with
Wendell Jones coming out to our house every Christmas for
Mom's Christmas Party. He was always quiet, and I never
realized why Wendell had a big scar on his forehead. He
was always nice. His oldest son was named Howard, which
was one of the reasons I was Roice and not Howard. I was
copying some files, it took about an hour, and so I
started reading Letters Home. I was really touched as
I read these letters. Especially as I considered some of
the letters I sent home to my mother. Wendell was
obviously a very special man. I was so touched I made
sure to go by and see Carmen and ask if I could have two
copies, one for me and one to send to Uncle Tony. The
two copies arrived the week of September 26th. I'm going
to quote a few lines from this wonderful book, which his
daughter Jan put together.
<![CDATA[ `Oral History: I was drafted into the Army and reported
to Fort Douglas in Salt Lake City. From here I was sent
to Fort Knox, Kentucky where I took my basic training.
There I was assigned to the infantry because at that time
they didn't have such aa corps as the tanks. Everything
was in infantry, air corps or artillery. After basic
training at Fort Knox I was assigned to a battalion at
Fort Lewis, Washington.
In 1942, I was given some intelligence tests and if you
scored 120-125 they gave you the chance to go to Officer
Candidate School. I was called to go back to Fort Knox
for Officer Candidate School for three months. After
three months if you could pass the course you were
commissioned a 2nd Lt. in the Army.
I was assigned to the 752nd Tank Battalion. I was with
that unit for probably a year and then they split that
battalion and I went with the 743rd Tank Battalion. ...
November 12, 1943
Dear Folks,
I have been rather busy all day, but this evening have plenty
of time so decided to drop you a line and let you know that
I am fine and getting along very nicely. ...
page 56
November, 1943
England
Dear Dad & Mother,
By now you will be wondering and probably worrying about me
and my where abouts. Well, I can't say much other than
that I am well and the best of spirits.
The country is beautiful here, everything is so neat and
well kept and the fields and pastures are all green and
nice. ...
page 62
March or Early April, 1944
Oral History: One time we had a couple of days off and they
let us go into London. While we were in London, there was
an air raid one night, and of course everything was blacked
out, but you could hear the sirens going and bombs going off
but nothing too close to us. Everything was blacked out.
You couldn't see anything in London. ...
page 82
May 14, 1944
Dear Mom & Dad,
I should have written a Mother's Day greeting to Mother some
time ago, but being's I didn't I will do it now. I hope
that by next Mother's Day I can be home with you folks.
By the time you get this letter I will have past my twenty
ninth birthday. This will be my sixth birthday away from
home, how time does fly. I'm beginning to get pretty old.
I don't realize that I am so old. It seems just a short
while ago that I was going to school at the BAC (Branch
Agricultural College, now Southern Utah University). I
would sure like to get back and start living again. ...
page 85
June 6, 1944
Oral History: ... I went in about 10 minutes after H hour.
There were a Battalion of engineers that went in before. ...
There was a lot of wind and it was a little misty. We went
up and got on top of this high hill. There ledges all south
of us going clear around to Point du Hoc, but from where we
were on around to where the English and Canadians landed
there was just steep hills. You go on to the beach and then
climb a steep hill. A lot of people got to the beach and I
suppose they were just scared, I don't remember much fear
at that time even though we could see machine guns going
right in front of us and hitting the ground - like somebody
with a sewing machine going right along. There guys hit
within a few feet of me. If I'd been a few feet ahead then
I would have been hit. ...
The next morning, the morning of the 7th, we went back down
on the beach to observe what was there. The beach was
literally covered with bodies and as we went you could
hardly take a step without stepping over somebody and some
of them were still alive. The medics had been there are
were still there trying to help and I suppose they were
trying to get these men back on ships to take care of them.
I saw several guys with their legs blown off but they were
still alive. Someone had just put a tourniquet around them
and they weren't bleeding. Some others were covered up
with a blanket like they were dead but you could see some
of them were still alive. ...
On the second or third day we went to a little village
Isigny and stopped there for a day or two and then we were
told to go over to Maisy and that's were we ran into quite
a little resistance. We went into the square and there
were Germans all over the place. There were some in tanks,
in armored cars, and some field artillery. As soon as we
came in there with those tanks, we pushed a wall down with
a bulldozer to get in there. We pushed the wall down and
got into this town and there were a lot of Germans in
there. We came in with three tanks and the infantry
coming behind us, well those Germans started really going.
They were on the run and we were shooting at them as fast
as we could but I don't remember hitting hardly any of
them. ...
page 89-91
June 17, 1944
Dear Dad and Mom,
I guess you will be getting rather anxious to hear from me,
as it has been almost three weeks since I wrote. I have
been so busy and have been so much on the move that it has
been almost impossible to write.
I guess I had better tell you that I am in France and have
been ever since "D" Day. There isn't too much I can tell
you at the present. Maybe a little later on I will be
able to write a little more freely. ...
page 92
July 4, 1944
Dear Dad & Mom,
I just received your letter of June 19, was nice to hear
from you and to know that everyone at home is all right.
Wish I could have been home while the rest of the family
were there. Maybe we can get together next year, if I
have anything to do with it, next fourth of July will be
spent at home. ...
page 94
357 PM July 31st
REGRET TO INFORM YOU YOUR SON FIRST LIEUTENANT HENRY W JONES
WAS SERIOUSLY WOUNDED IN ACTION TEN JULY IN FRANCE LETTER
CONTAINING PRESENT MAILING ADDRESS FOLLOWS ...
page 100
August 16, 1944
Dear Dad & Mom,
I hope by now you have received some more letters from me
assuring you that I am getting along fine. I am able to
get up and about again and am feeling good. The weather
has been wonderful the last few days, therefore I have been
getting out in the sun some.
... I wrote to Dick Leigh after I got back here in the
hospital and received an answer from him today. I think
he will come down and see me one of these days.
Wish I could be home to help Dad this fall with the work.
I don't know what I would enjoy more than to get out and
work with the livestock. ...
page 111
Sept 1, 1944
England
Dear Dad & Mom,
I received your letter, dated Aug. 20, this morning, not bad
time for mail. I was glad to hear that you have been
getting my letters all right.
I should have and could have told you more about my injury
before, but hated to say anything about it. A .30 caliber
bullet entered my head just under my left temple and passed
clear through my head coming out about the same location under
my right temple. The place where the bullet entered has
closed up completely and can hardly be seen, where it came
out there is just a very slight scar, which will hardly be
visible later on. The bullet passed through both sinuses,
which had to be operated on. The operations on the sinuses
were very easy and are practically healed now. It won't be
long until I will be ready to go back to duty. I believe I
will be reclassified to a noncombatant status, however,
but will likely remain overseas.
It's hard to believe, when someone says he was shot through
the head, but I'm known around here as the man with holes
in his head. I guess it pays to have an empty head at
times. ...
page 114
September 6, 1944
Dear Dad & Mom,
Just a few lines to let you know that I'm getting along fine.
I am able to get out and around now, which means I will be
leaving here before to long.
Dick Leigh came down today and we sure had a nice visit.
He landed his plane on a field close by here and caught a
ride up to the hospital. I went back to the airport with
him this afternoon and had a nice little ride in his plane.
It was the first time I was in a plane, except for my ride
from France after I was hit. ...
page 115
Nov. 28, 1944
France
Dear Dad & Mom,
Just a short note to let you know that I am getting along
about the same, still doing nothing, which is getting mighty
tiresome. Here it has been two and a half months since I
left the hospital and I haven't done one constructive thing
in that time. I might just as well have been home helping
Dad with things there all fall. ...
page 131
December 17, 1944
Dear Dad & Mom,
Time seems to fly by much faster now that I have a little
something to do. It has been almost ten days since we
arrived in this spot. We have pitched in and accomplished
quite a lot in the line of improvements, but we have a long
way to go to get this place what it should be.
I have been working right in the prison cages with the
prisoners and I have been able to see just how they live,
which isn't any good, but will be improved as time goes on.
You have to feel sorry for some of them, especially some of
the older men, even though they are our enemies, still
they are human beings and have to be treated as such. We
have to keep after them continually to keep the sanitation
what it should be. One of our biggest problems is garbage
and waste disposal, which is a big job when several
thousand men are involved. We have some men that we have
to use disciplinary measures on occasionally, for refusing
to work or causing trouble among others. These we classify
as undesirable and try to ship them on to some other camp.
... page 134]]>
My goal in typing these words was to entice some of you into
borrowing this book and reading it, or at least reading from
it next time you come to visit. What a wonderful heritage
we have. I hope you each come to see this, in the same way
I have come to recognize it, since leaving home in 1968. I
think this history should be turned into a movie, particularly
emphasizing the 50+ years following the war where Wendell
Jones was a rancher in Cedar City, taking care of livestock
and raising a girl and two boys.
Receiving this book, Letters Home, was the highlight of my
week. On Wednesday morning I briefly talked to Sara in Benin.
It turns out the phone call was cut off by a cell phone
battery. Even with cell phone batteries going dead, it is a
lot different today than the two to three weeks it took during
World War II to send letter's home.
Thursday night I went to the Temple because Andrea was going
with the other seminary teachers during the day. Turns out
the Nottingham Country Relief Society was there. Sister Becky
Schultz and I were selected to be the witness couple. In the
Celestial Room Sister Linda Conners told me of the latest
trauma in her life as a result of her divorce. It is so sad
when people file divorce and then strive to hurt the person
they wanted to leave so bad. And it is really sad, because
I know that Jim is a really good guy. Oh well! I recommend
she reread the Doctrine and Covenants and notice both how many
times and under what circumstances the phrase `removed out of
their place' occurs. The scriptures can provide context when
families fall apart.
Friday morning I talked to Sara again. She told me about a
Shell marketing executive who just came out in the new Peace
Corps group and how much she enjoys him. Sara said she has
not learned the local language because everyone speaks
French. She mentioned that only people in Taxis and in the
pharmacy speak English. Save' is central to a lot of
different cultures, and so it is hard to have one local
language to learn. Matt has moved up in the Peace Corps
hierarchy and is now a liaison between volunteers and the
administration. He lives about two hours to the north. So
when ever anyone calls they now need to call Sara's office,
and realize they only speak French there.
Friday night Matt and I went to see Sky Captain. Andrea has
some projects she was working on and wanted to give us a
chance for a `guy's night out.' Both Matt and I really
enjoyed the movie. It is one of those movies I would not
mind having in our library to show Grand kids when they come
to visit. It reminded me of the Flash Gordon TV shows which
I enjoyed so much when I was growing up.
The following letter balanced out my week. Andrea and I
have talked about whether it is appropriate to share this
letter or not. Heather, it was and is my idea to share your
words, which were addressed to your Mom at my e-mail address
because we have canceled her e-mail address because of all
of the smut and spam sent there, with your siblings and
step-siblings in this media.
You state you are 99% sure you want to end the relationship,
like you did two years ago, and there is a possibility
putting this letter in my Thoughtlet will insure you follow
through. I hope not. I was pleased to see your note
thanking your Mom for her post card from Denver (received
Saturday, 23 October 2004 - note I'm still behind). I do
hope as you reread your words and Bob's words, you will
see them through the eyes of your siblings and step-siblings,
through your mother's eyes and my eyes, and in the context I
have attempted to lay out above regarding how I treated my
mother. It is my sincere prayer that you will reconsider
your cutting off the relationship with your Mom, for her
sake and for your own mental well being. I absolutely agree
with Bob that this is not a good thing to do. Of course,
the choice is yours. For each of the rest of you, I hope
you will see how much Heather is hurting, and that you will
each find your own way to help her and to support her in
her most important emotional and spiritual needs.
<![CDATA[ `andrea, i got your message-yet i did receive your package.
i REALLY liked the scarves-they're totally me! they add
to my collection. rachel was sweet enough to get me a red
and blue one while bob and i were up there visiting her.
i think it's kind of fun. i had an eye appointment, turns
out i have a pretty bad astigmatism-no more throw away
contacts. i have to wear contacs that last for a month
and then i can throw them away. but it sure is nice being
able to see and not getting headaches by the end of the
day anymore.
about your letter-It's taken me awhile to write you back;
partly because I've been so busy and partly because I did
what I always do with these kinds of matters-I take my time.
I was surprised to see a copy of Bob's letter with yours -
not because I didn't know about his letters, but because I
wasn't sure why you sent it back. I guess I'm a little
confused-did you think that I wouldn't know about it? Me
and Bob have a relationship where we are very open and
honest with each other. You asked me, in your letter, how
to understand and listen to me better? I feel that I can't
tell you how to do that, because you either want to listen
or you don't. it's funny, that it took someone much older
than you, saying the things that I've been saying since I
was 16 or 17 for you to finally listen to them. It was
also obvious to me that you were gathering information for
another purpose-and you didn't even ask me anything or US
anything about our relationship. Did you think I wouldn't
figure that out? It's because of this incident and many
others from that past that I haven't trusted you for a very
long time. In some respect, I did feel that our relationship
was moving in a forward direction. However, after talking
with you about the past and hearing that you simply didn't
remember much of what I relayed, it became obvious to me
that you were either flat out lying about it or are in
complete denial. Either way, you aren't ready for a deeper,
more trusting and meaningful relationship. Secondly, when
you were down here for those 5 or so days to help me move
in and see me race, I was deeply grateful, but I saw a lot
of you come out that hasn't changed. You tried to make a
lot of my decisions without listening to me, or respecting
my adulthood and knowledge. You also said in your letter
that you never meant to hurt me. It is almost never someone's
intention to hurt other people, but it most certainly was your
intention to control me (and other people).
After your visit I was 99% sure that I wanted to end our
relationship AGAIN-like I did two years ago. But bob has
strongly advised me against it. That I shouldn't have to
end a relationship if I'm comfortable enough with myself.
He's absolutely right. But I don't see how a meaningful
and deep relationship can be developed. Our relationship
will have to be what it is.
With this e-mail I've attached a copy of Bob's letter.
That letter was for you-not for me. I'm not trying to
hurt you, but if you want to learn how I feel-that letter
says a lot of what I feel.
Heather']]>
Heather, I sense the positive additions to self esteem that
cycling and Bob have brought into your life. For this I am
extremely grateful. I believe Dad's have more influence
that Mom's in regards to self-esteem, and so I disagree with
comments implying this issue is all your Mom's fault. I do
take responsibility for the low self-esteem Roice and Rob
feel, and the fact they do not want to be on this e-mail
list hurts more than I have words to say. I hope each of
you will not personalize what I write, and that you will
each please realize I am striving to write about issues and
topics which I think can be useful to several of you. With
little or no self esteem one always struggles in life. A
person's relationship with others, particularly family, is
directly tied to self-esteem. One of my favorite small books
is `Becoming a Zion People' by Lindon J. Robison. I would
like to quote the first section of Chapter Two, which chapter
is titled `The Curse of Separateness: Signs of Our Times,'
pages 5-6:
<![CDATA[ `Separateness in the Family
God said: "It is not good that man should be alone; I will
make him an help meet for him." (Genesis 2:18.) If it was
not good for Adam or Eve to be alone, then surely it cannot
be good for us, Adam's descendants, to be alone. We can
understand why aloneness or separateness is a curse by
observing its consequences.
Separateness in our marriages results in divorce. Divorce
separates not only the previously married parents but often
separates the children from each other and often from one
of the parents. It is often the children who suffer the
most. Sometimes the children blame themselves for the
divorce. This in turn produces emotional scars and distress.
But the single parents are also penalized. Forced to work
and raise children at the same time and alone, they often
lack the energy to enjoy and nurture their children.
Is divorce a serious problem in this country? The U.S.
National Center for Health Statistics reported that in 1981
there had been 2.4 million new marriages and 1.2 million
divorces. (Detroit News, June 1987.) As a consequence,
only 60 percent of our homes are headed by both a mother
and a father. Separateness in our marriages reflected by
the number of divorces is a serious problem.
Separateness between men and women in marriage often sparks
a substitute. It is called sex without commitment.
Unmarried couples live together or merely engage in
intimate relationships without the commitment of a marriage
contract. These relationships frequently produce unwanted
pregnancies. Then, women who are facing life alone and
without the support of a spouse often lack commitment to
their unborn child; so they abort. Abortion is the
consequence of separateness between a mother and an unborn
child.
Is abortion a significant problem in this country? The
apocalypse of abortion is frightening. The Center for
Disease Control reported in 1981 that for every 1000 births,
there are 358 abortions. (Newsweek, July 16, 1984.) As a
result, every year in the united States 1.5 million mothers
and 1.5 million babies who are killed before birth are
forever separated. Separateness between mothers and
children reflected in abortion is a serious problem.
Separateness between parent and child often occurs during
the turbulent teenage years. This is especially true if
physical control has been the only mortar holding their
relationship together. The symptom of this separation is
children running away from or being forced to leave home.
Is the problem of teenagers alone and away from home a
problem? Like abortion and divorce, it is a serious
problem. Pete Axthelm writing in Newsweek magazine
reported that there were over one million teenagers alone
and on the street. When their parents were called, in 68
percent of the cases they told the authorities: "You keep
the kid." On the street they mostly likely support
themselves by joining gangs and/or selling drugs and sex.
Unfortunately, those occupations separate them from their
better selves and force them into companionship with their
worst selves whose company they would like to avoid.
But how do you separate yourself from your worst self? A
temporary solution is to do drugs. Drugs deaden the pain
of being alone and unhappy. Suicide, however, is a more
permanent solution. Over 5000 teenagers in 1987 tried to
escape from themselves in this manner. Most of them are
now buried alone in unmarked graves. (Newsweek, April 25,
1988, p. 64.)
Separateness between parents and children reflected by run
away and cut off children is a serious problem.']]>
The following letter, which had been received some weeks
before in hardcopy from Bob Wrench, was attached to Heather's
e-mail letter home:
<![CDATA[ `September 17, 2004
Dear Andrea,
As uncomfortable as I am using the word "Dear" as a part of
the salutation I know of no other more appropriate salutation
to use. Your visit this past weekend was very disappointing
and disturbing for both Heather and for myself. It doesn't
seem there was a single positive aspect to it.
I have for a long time listened to Heather talk about your
constant drive to manipulate everyone in order to always be
in control of those around you. Even if done unconsciously,
which I assume much of it has been done, it is still a form
of abuse.
Heather has for years struggled with serious personal issues
directly related to her acquired negative self image resulting
in good part from your inability to first and foremost be a
kind and caring parent or good role model for her during her
formative years. It is our actions as parents not our words
that live on in our children. If that awareness could have
been your guiding principle as a mother perhaps Heather
wouldn't have felt she needed to live her life behind your
back. It seems telling that the kind of things she hid from
you were the same kind of things my own kids did in the open.
The difference it seems to me was that my daughters didn't
feel threatened by their mother and so they were able to be
open with her.
After this past weekend I think Heather's long, fearful, and
sometimes destructive struggle with her emotional life is
finally coming to a natural healthy resolution. Sadly this has
come about because you have one to many times gone beyond the
pale of decency and respect for someone you claim to love. The
good side is she now not only clearly sees it for what it is,
but is also strong enough as a person to deal with it
differently than she has in the past.
As a result of your visit and the distaste you left in both
of us we have decided to cancel our plans to have a formal
wedding. Yes, the idea to cancel the ceremony was initially
mine. Since neither of us want to publicly embarrass you by
letting it be known that you are not currently welcome at
our wedding we have mutually decided to cancel the wedding
plans altogether and instead simply get married privately
when we feel the time is right for us. Heather will be
sending out a brief note shortly to all the people she sent
invitations to, simply canceling with an apology for any
inconvenience.
The future and richness of our relationship will always be
an unknown, although based on the wonderful plasticity we
have both exhibited in growing the relationship, I'd have to
say it will be bright. We each certainly have already richly
benefited from each other. I feel confidant we will always
take life one day at a time, happy with each single added day
shared.
It is certainly sad that you couldn't have chosen to use
your visit as an opportunity to understand how and why our
relationship developed into a romantic love relationship in
the first place. We have a strong friendship that in the end
opened both of us to the idea of sharing our lives together
regardless of the vast differences in our age and backgrounds.
Had you thoughtfully asked me how at my age, with three grown
daughters, I allowed this to happen, I could have had a
meaningful dialogue with you. I would have enjoyed sharing
with you how I have had to question my own motives at every
step of the way, along with the immense struggle I've had
with my implicit parental concerns as a father. I actually
had long talks with my oldest daughter as a part of the
process, and she helped me understand that it was okay and
not something unhealthy for either Heather or me. It certainly
is not something I have taken lightly.
I am still concerned that Heather needs to be sure she is
totally complete as a person before making marriage with me
a part of her life. Had Heather and I not developed a
wonderful mature friendship over her last two years in
school, I feel reasonably certain I would never have
allowed myself to ever think about her as a women or let
myself feel the erotic feelings that were under the surface
from early on.
It may be hard for you to understand, but I have learned
much from Heather, as much, if not more than she has learned
from me. The learning has come because we talk with and
listen to the other, opening ourselves to the richness we
each can give.
Unfortunately you choose during your visit to pry for
information, worthless data under the circumstances, rather
than be interested in who we each have become now that we
are in a relationship. I have three son-in-laws, and in
all the years my daughters dated and have been married, I
have never once asked any of the questions you so crudely
pursued with your total lack of human sensitivity. It
seems clear that from the moment we met you were hoping
to be able to find something to use as a way of controlling
both your daughter and her decision and possibly even me.
It was so obvious by your incessant stream of questions,
never once asking either of us anything meaningful or
showing concern, love, or simple support for Heather, that
your only interest was in destruction while gaining power
and control. It is unfortunate for both you and Heather
that you have been unable to realize that Heather is no
longer your "child," your "baby," as you called her.
She is now a grown woman who also happens to be your daughter.
The relationship of a parent to a child is very different
than the one of a parent to a daughter. She now has her own
life and her own sense of values, many of which came from
you and her dad, while many others are far removed from
either of you. As hard as it may be to understand and accept,
she is an adult required to think for herself, allowed to
make her own decisions even when they prove to be mistakes.
She's responsible for what happens to her not you. I learned
a long time ago that my children could teach me many things
if I would be open to them as adults and not think of them
as children. They have taught me much over the years. They
shocked me many times, holding beliefs very different from
my own, but at the same time I learned I could be wrong in
my beliefs. Fortunately for me I was open to changing and
trusting my kids as well as myself.
I now better understand why Heather wanted me to help her
with her rent deposit back in June rather than asking you.
Sadly I thought it would be good if she asked you for the
help instead of me. After reading the lease this past week
it appears that you didn't take the time to look at it when
you were here in June. It's a lease that is designed to take
advantage of the lessee's lack of or problems with credit.
It's the type of lease that has been outlawed in most states.
I don't understand why you didn't take the time to read the
lease and question it, but that's because I would have
naturally read it before giving her the money.
Yes, it's true, you loaned her the money as she asked you to,
however, it is also true that you skillfully structured the
loan so it was your mother who would be at risk. I wish I had
understood earlier why she didn't want to ask you for help.
Andrea, it has been a joy to watch your daughter as she has
discovered herself since she moved to St. George. She has a
strong will and character. She has traveled a long ways,
maturing in her thinking about everything from her own self
confidence, her self image, her spiritual beliefs, not to
mention her new sense of a physical self capable of competing
as a bicycle racer. I'm sorry that you were incapable of
sharing the processes of her growth with her both during
this past summer and during the past couple of years when
she came to terms with herself. She wanted you to and tried
hard to let you into her life.
In closing, do what every you planned to do with the
information you pried so hard to get from me. But please
don't for a minute believe that I thought you were really
interested in my genealogy for family or church purposes,
as you so awkwardly and nervously tried to say you were.
It was a bit overwhelming to say the least and certainly
disappointing to watch you be willing to use even the
church to hide your deceit. I trust I have made myself
clear. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but it is how I feel.
I deliberately waited several days before writing this
letter, not wanting to be over reactive. However, after
much reflection the truth is I currently have no interest
in seeing you again, or in speaking with you, or in
developing any type of relationship with you.
Although I am not without flaws I do have a well defined
sense of self with a clear set of boundaries and your
actions this past weekend precludes me from being willing
to trust you or remain open to your manipulation. With
that being said, I must also add that those boundaries
don't mean that I would ever interfere with Heather
maintaining a relationship with you if that is what she
chooses to do now or later.
Out of all of this I am left feeling disappointed with
myself as much as I am with you. I couldn't understand
Heather's sense of trepidation in her relationship with
you. I lacked the ability to trust her feelings when she
told me how much she didn't trust you. At least that was
the case until after I experienced you for myself.
It has been a good lesson for me to learn - being open
to trusting Heather's feelings even with I can't
understand why she has the set of feelings she is
expressing. For that I thank you.
My experience with you this past weekend reminds me of
Theodore Dreiser's apt statement: "... civilization is
still in a middle stage, beastly, in that it is often
guided by our animal nature, scarcely human in that it
is not yet guided by reason." I would add "or respect
for others."
Sincerely,
Robert L. Wrench']]>
Continuing with my quote from `Becoming a Zion People,'
this time from chapter three, The Promise of Oneness, page 11:
<![CDATA[ `The Commandment to Be One
A loving Father in Heaven who knows the consequences of
separateness wants something else for his children. The
good news of the gospel is an end to separateness. Paul
wrote to the converted saints in Ephesus that they were
no more strangers but fellow citizens with the saints.'
Saints, or converted members of Christ's Church were to be
distinguished by their unity or oneness. Before Christ's
crucifixion, the apostles had not yet become one. This
was a concern to Christ who knew that he and they must
soon part. So he prayed to his father:
`Neither pray I for these alone, but for those which shall
believe on me through their word; That they may be one; as
thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may
be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast
sent me. (John 17:20-21)
Those who accepted and abided Christ's teachings became
his people. The evidence of their conversion was their
unity. These converts he called his "Zion people."']]>
I wish I was even partially good enough to meet each of
your emotional and intellectual and spiritual needs.
Just as I know my Mom felt, especially as she read some
of the letters home, which I sent to her in my anger and
my selfishness. The other side of the coin is that I
called home every week, and particularly after Mom had
her stroke, on April 1st, 1983. Quoting again (see
0315.html, which was written about Mom's funeral) from a
song I wrote on Mother's Day after her stroke, and
called Mother's Day, 08 May 1983:
<![CDATA[ 1. Mothers are special
We get one a lifetime
Do Do-Do Do Do-Do Do Do-Do Do
2. They nurse us and baby us
Long past our infancy
La La-La La La-La La La-La La
3. Childhood goes quickly
We learn at their feet
De De-De De De-De De De-De De
4. A teenager's best friend
Is mother so dear
He He-He He He-He He He-He He
5. Adults miss their mothers
As much as a child
Hi Hi-Hi Hi Hi-Hi Hi Hi-Hi Hi
6. And when we have left them
To live far away
We dream of the words
That we heard long ago
7. And when they have left us
To live with our Father
We dream of the words
That we heard long ago
8. Mothers are special
We get one a lifetime
Do Do-Do Do Do-Do Do Do-Do Do]]>
I remember singing this to Mom in the hospital in Salt
Lake where she was hoping to recover from the stroke,
and I remember her looking and me and saying, `This is
the best day of my life.' I also remember the day I took
to go to La Verkin (just passing through Touquerville on
the way to La Verkin, see ../0304.html, which was eleven
weeks before her funeral) and sing this song and several
others to her. Maybe this effort partially made up for
the hurtful letters I sent home. One of the other songs
I sang was one Marti and I wrote on the 21st and 31st of
December 1973, three months after we were married and
shortly before Roice was conceived called Ma Me're, which
is French for My Mother:
<![CDATA[ Chorus: Where are you? I need you?
To help me find the way.
To teach me what to say.
Where are you? ____________
1. You fed me.
You clothed me.
Before I was aware.
That you were there to care.
2. You sang to me.
Soft melodies.
Close to your heart I'd keep.
AS you'd comfort me to sleep.
3. You're lovely.
But a memory.
I dream about your touch.
I miss you so very much.
Chorus: Where are you? I need you?
To help me find the way.
To teach me how to pray.
Where are you? Ma Me're.
Ma Me're. I need you.]]>
In looking over the notes I wrote on the back of my
swallows counting sheets, I want to close with a possible
stanza I wrote for Prime Words in Sacrament Meeting on
Sunday, 26th of September. The quote was from the
testimony of Sister Syke, who is looking after a husband
who is slipping into later stages of Alzheimer's, and
she was quoting Elder Boyd K. Packer:
<![CDATA[ `Yes, we bear our testimony
And we need to bare it
So others hear our testimony
And receive a witness we know it']]>
I'm striving to do this through these Thoughtlets. I
truly appreciate those of you who do this through your
letters home."
I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements
of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how
important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy
it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of
distractions of daily life. To download any of these thoughtlets
go to http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets or e-mail me at
rnelson@walden3d.com.
With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)