cc: file, Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, and Maxine Shirts
"Back in 1970-1972 when I was on my mission, missionaries could still go to movies on P-Day (Preparation Day). About once a month we had meetings in London on Monday, and we would stay and go to a movie and then catch the train back to our area. One of the movies we went to see, which was not appropiate for missionaries, was called Omega Man.
I don't remember much about the movie. And yet I remember enough it came to mind as I thought about this week. What I remember is Charton Heston, who played Ben Hur, Moses, Jesus, and several other bigger than life action figures in the 50's and 60's was the hero. There was a nuclear war or some kind of man made calamity, and a mutant disease was killing off what was left of humanity. His body became the medium for a scientist to move the antitote, and the movie ended with Charton Heston taking on the position of the Savior hanging on the cross, with blood running out of him, and being captured in transfusion bottles. As the physical savior of mankind, because he got the antidote to this enclave, he was Omega Man, the last of the old human race, and the first, the savior of the the new human race.
I recall laughing out loud at the irony of Charton Heston's savior complex, and at all of the ketchup it took to make such a bloody mess in the closing scene. I recall this because my companion looked over at me and said, `You are really sick.' I had grown up covered with blood, especially Mondays through Wednesdays when we worked on the killing floor of Nelson Meat Packing Plant. I knew it was Ketchup, or something similar, and it really struck me funny how Charleston Heston always played parts where he was the hero and savior of the day.
I recall my Mom telling me I have a similar `complex,' in that I am always off trying to solve everyone elses issues, and not looking at my own issues enough. I recall one of the themes at PAIRS, which was repeated over and over and over again and again and again, was that we can not change another person, no matter how much we want to and no matter how much we care. We can only change ourselves. So in my case, being male, it is up to me to be an Omega Man, if there are things going on around me I don't care for. Nancy White taught over and over at PAIRS that we only have three choices in personal relationships: we can endure (and suffer), leave, or change ourselves. Maybe I suffer from a male version of a menstrual cycle, but I found myself getting very down this week. Rachel called yesterday, while Andrea was at a talk by Sheri Dew up at the North Stake Center, and when she asked how I was doing, I told her I was pretty much down. I'm specific enough in these Thoughtlets that maybe someday I will do some data mining on what I've written since 1996 and see if I can figure out the period of my cycles. Hopefully by admitting the issue to you guys, those whom I care most about in life, it will be enough of a shock to my system to get me to snap out of how I have been feeling the last few days.
It was really a pretty good week. Kind of quiet. Guess that means there was not a lot of work activity to distract my attention from where things are at in my life. I went to a very interesting luncheon on Monday. Alf Klaveness talked me into joining POPS (Pioneer Oil Producers Society), and when I can I go to the lunch meetings because they have good speakers. The speaker was Steve Farris of Apache, the CEO, President, and COO. Good talk. I learned Apache Corporation valuation is $10 billion after 47 years of growth, and has reserves of 1.3 billion barrels of oil equivalent (BBOE). Alan Peterson, Mike Bahorich, David Monk, and others I have referred to in these Thoughtlets all work for Apache. What suprised me is the fact recoverable reserves from OPL-229 are estimated at 2.1 BBOE.
As mentioned in my last Thoughtlet, I received checks for outstanding work on Monday, and in addtion I had a good meeting with Jude Amaefule and Amos Nur. They pointed out the reserves are unproven in OPL-229, and until we get some wells drilled, we need to think and talk about the reserves as being at least 0.5 BBOE. Note this is still almost half the size of Apache Corporation. And hopefully I will get my role defined in regards to Emerald Energy over the next month, and then maybe I won't be so nervous. Between the printer not working, needing a new tape drive for the Sun, the monitor not working on the PC, and receiving a KISD property school tax on the house of about $4,300., maybe there is reason to still be nervous about money stuff.
The breaks died on the Saturn last Sunday morning, and David helped me take the car in first thing Monday morning. It cost $182 to fix them. Then Andrea's Grand Prix died when David drove it to seminary on Friday morning. It looks like it is the fuel pump, and it will cost about $750 to fix it. With 148,000 miles the car isn't worth this much investment. We have made it a top priority to get out of debt, and so I do feel between a rock and a hard place in terms of only having one working car.
Wednesday morning Andrea and I went to the temple. It was raining, we almost ran out of gas, and we missed the 10:00 session by 5 minutes. Oh well. Gave us some time to read scriptures, and put the world aside. We stopped and saw Jude and Emmanuel on the way back to the house. They are as optimistic as ever about how the work in Nigeria is going to turn out. I'm at the stage I expect to be bit by the culture.
I spent a lot of time this week working on `An Open Mind.' I like the way the first chapter is coming together, and yet I fear no one else in the world will see what I'm trying to say and the way I'm trying to say it. Insecurity is a big issue with me, and I really do not understand why.
In this week's Parade magazine there was a cover article on Tim Allen, which I found interesting. He was a mediocre student. He fell in with a bad crowd after college and got put in jail for drug dealing, serving 28 months of an 8 year sentance. He was paroled at 29, and between Home Improvement, his movie The Santa Clause, and his memoir Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man made him very rich. Yet wealth and fame brought stress, separation, and his drinking got out of control. He found the self-destructive streak I think I fight with every few months or years. Reading his words at the close of the article brought great comfort:
I'm not sure why this hit me. I know I miss Rachel,
and each of you kids. Maybe Tim Allen put in words
what I've been thinking about in the back of my mind
this week. Matt is still here, and now David Moore
is here. However, Rob's not. I had really good
phone calls with everyone else, except Heather and
Audrey last Sunday, and maybe I'm just starting to
face the transition to no kids in the house, and
the associated lack of distraction. David and Matt
and I played a game of Monopoly last week before
Andrea got home. I got creamed, and maybe it was
seeing all of my property taken away at the throw
of a pair of dice that got me feeling melancholy.
Maybe I'm just wierd. Maybe I am an Omega Man.
Another thing this week, was I did spend quite a bit of time on Friday evening and Saturday working on a project for Christmas. Andrea went to the Taylor High Play `Tom Jones,' which didn't interest me, and, as mentioned above, to Sheri Dew's talk on Saturday. When Matt and I went to Big Bend for the High Adventure the end of May, after writing the song, `Wecome to Big Bend,' (0222.html) I listed and collated all of the songs I have a record of having written. And I started to compile them all in one notebook. There are 102 of them, and there are actually a dozen or so I quite like. Anyway, I've had in my mind, it would be a good idea to get them all written down in one book, and then you kids can look through them, and when there is some spare time, if one of you are interested, I can sing some of the ones for you which you have never heard. The Big Bend song was #49, and since May, I had written up through #66 down in my new song notebook. This weekend I wrote out #67-#81:
#76: Job consists of two parts. There are words to
music directly from the book of Job, and there are
words to music describing me. So far I have written
out 7 chapters of Job. I only put the first chapter
in the book. As I reread verse 13 of the second
part I found myself laughing (see ../0037.html):
I struggle with words, and so when I find words, i.e.
when I write a song or a Thoughtlet or a Book, it
means a lot to me. Since I don't know how to throw
anything away, and since these words bring back some
really strong memories, maybe this is why I've been
down. I imagine at some point, each person that
lives on earth and that gets past animal reactions
and associated passions, and then who thinks finds
themselves feeling like they are an Omega Person.
Guess that is what being tested is all about.
Saturday evening Andrea and I went to see the movie `Sweet Home Alabama.' Pretty good movie, especially if you are a small town guy, who ends up marrying a girl you thought was really cute when you were kids growing up. Bill and Leslie Hagen went to the same movie and sat by us. It was interesting I bought a big bag of popcorn and ate most of it. Habits are hard to break, although I do throw the bags away now, and don't bring them back into the theaters for refills at a later movie. Change is possible, and maybe I am a kind of Omega Man.
I continue to count swallows. Haven't reported on
the results for a couple of months, so I'm including
the end of October status report. Came up with a
new chart yesterday, which I find interesting. It
is created by differencing the integral curves
introduced last time I sent out a swallows report.
What is interesting is the relationship between
swallows of water, starches, fruits, and weight
loss. Maybe for me, this is the key to weight
control, along with not getting down. Of course,
it would help if Matt didn't do `selling' candy
fundraisers for theather, and proceed to leave
the bag and the envelope to put the money in right
by my office door. No self control, and yet I am
honest and do pay for all of the M&M's I've eaten.
Then there were the two giant loafs of stone ground
bread Andrea bought on Friday, and which I had
eaten by Saturday noon. Maybe my spread-sheet diet
is what will turn me into an omega man.
This week I watched the news when I ate lunch most days. It was scary to me to watch the drama of the Washington Sniper play out on the television. Then I got the following e-mail from a friend:
I hope that by passing these two `news' items along
I am not acting as a pawn for some right wing
political group. The person who passed them on to
me is talented, intelligent, and down to earth, and
I doubt she would have made the effort to send them
to me if she had any doubt of their validity. I
find it hard to know what to believe from a news
standpoint these days, and maybe that is why I have
been a little bit down this week. I hate to think
of things outside of my control, and outside of the
free will choice of those I love, bringing pain and
suffering. Yet that is the way life has been for
thousands of years, so why should I think it will
change for you kids and your kids? After all,
these are the last days, and the prophets are very
definitive about how dangerous the last days will
be. I know when I talked to Sara last week, and
when she told me her `favorite guy friend, Gabe,'
who signed up for the Marines after 911, has been
put on an active assignment for the next three or
four months, and will not be able to communicate
with her during this time, my heart broke for
how she was feeling.
I got thinking about Ethan's fears of something outside his window, and couldn't help but wonder if he was seeing across time and into the future. Ben said Ethan has had him check out the window each night this week. And I got to talk to Ethan again tonight. Couldn't understand what he was saying. And I must admit, it was really neat. Maybe grandkids will teach me how to use the phone. When Ben came back on the phone he said Ethan was walking around talking like he was having a regular conversation. Then Ben admitted he could not understand Ethan either. He was probably just telling Grandpa to stop worrying about things he has no control over, and telling me to focus on those things I can personally influence. Guess that is what we all need to do. Maybe the `Three Musketeers,' my three first grandsons, will be the Omega Men."