cc: file, Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, Diane Cluff, and Maxine Shirts
"Mixed feelings and emotions filled my head and heart this week. For the most part the emotions were pure joy: two graduations and a baby blessing topping the list. Yet, we can not know joy unless we know pain. And feelings of anguish have washed the beaches of joy. I'm not sure I have the words to describe the feelings, and I can't help but wonder whether there is anyone out there that cares whether I can find the words or not. After all, `the thoughtlets thing is `my' thing,' and one of you told me as recently as yesterday you can't figure out how my mind works, despite my efforts to unravel it for all of us with these weekly packages of words.
Sort of like carrots. When I was growing up, the horses I knew loved carrots. So I had a real gut level understanding of the various phrases summarized as the difference between using a `carrot or stick' to motivate someone or an animal to do something. So after some 307 Thoughtlets, and some limited feedback on what resonates with you kids, it seems unusual to be so suprised to learn the distance my perceptions and understandings are from those I love and care about. Andrea told me the carrot thing discussed last week might not be well received. Then after I'd sent the Thoughtlet, she mentioned neither Heather nor Audrey have access to e-mail this summer. And she told Rachel it would be a good idea to read the Thoughtlet, which she didn't, or at least she didn't respond to it. And, of course, Roice and Rob don't receive copies of the Thoughtlets, at their request. So 50% of `my kids' were semi-automatically knocked out of my carrot chasing `competition.' Then there were e-mails saying, `I'm not a rabbit!' And others saying `I like your carrot.' And so I hope it is easy to understand why I write it was a week of mixed feelings and emotions. I hope to make enough money to take all of us on vacations together, every once and a while. In the meantime, I intend to honor my carrot offer, assuming something happens with the Chinese or someone else that provides me free plane passage for me and a couple of family members every once in a while. So, for those who havfn't responded, it is not to late, and for those who want to confirm your standing in the list master go to: http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets/china.txt.
Speaking of the Chinese, there were several facsimiles and phone conversations with them this week. I have never seen Chinese move so fast. Maybe it is their Uraguayian secretary: Lorelori Ruppert, as she claims. Maybe there is something in my proposal that really excites them. Maybe there is something driving all of this flurry outside any of our understanding. We will be travelling on Air China. The crash of flight CI611 yesterday, that killed 225 offshore Taiwan, has certainly got Andrea reconsidering the carrot. She comes in while I"m shaving this morning and says, `They have the worst air traffic safety record in the world. At first I thought you ought to go alone, then I decided if it was time to go we might as well go together.' I agree. It appears we will be traveling to Zhuo Zhou, Heibi Province, 35 miles south of Beijing, where I have been many times before, and that all of my meetings will be there. Hope we can get a driver to take Andrea and Matt to see some of the tourist sites in Beijing and the surrounding country. There are a couple of interesting things to see in Zhuo Zhou, it being the ancient capital of China and all. However, I expect it would absolutely bore Matt to death.
I went to my first member of POPS (Pioneer Oil Producers Society) on Monday. They started the meeting with the statement they were glad to report no current dues paying members died this month. However, there were three or four who stopped paying dues that died. Pretty interesting talk, and I enjoyed talking to the two guys next to me. However, the average age is probably closer to 80 than 50, and I'm not sure how active I will be. After the lunch I had a two hour meeting with Horace Snyder, Johnny Kopecky, and Joe Michael McKinney. Turns out they were concerned I was going to give the Chinese all of the drilling opportunities I have given them, and that they would be cut out of the deal. I don't think the Chinese will put that kind of money up. We ended up talking about different experiences in China, and I told them about my hike from the Fragrant Garden Hotel (see ../9727.html). Joe Michael pointed out the exact moment in my story when I crossed over the line to being crazy. They did give me a written response to my proposed Heads-of-Agreement, I responded to them later in the week, and Horace told me on Friday we should get it all executed in the next couple of weeks. Now, if they can just get some investment money.
This was Matt and Rachel's last week of school. Rachel had exempted from all of her tests, and so she didn't go to school much. Matt didn't seem too worried, and hopefully he did well on all of his finals. We went to see the latest version of Star Wars on Thursday evening as a celebration: Attack of the Clones. I find it really interesting how Lucas planned out his 9 versions of Star Wars decades ago, and just now, as there is a major debate in the scientific and political community about cloning human beings, is his movie about Clones. I was suprised how long the movie was. I told Andrea I liked Spiderman better, and yet as I think about a three hour movie that seemed like it lasted an hour, maybe not. I must admit I'm looking forward to paying $100+ when the next one comes out, and going to a theater for 15-18 hours straight, with different meal courses brought in during the credits, between each of the movies, so as to watch installments 1 through 6 in context with each other.
Friday Grandma Shirts arrived. We went to Matt's last soccer practice, and got home in time to go to a movie. We went to see Hugh Grant's `About a Boy.' I had no clue what the movie was about. Language was awful. And it seemed pretty much on track for what life holds for those who have lived their lives, either due to their choices or their parents choices, so as to have no chance to have the Holy Ghost in their lives. I don't recommend the movie, unless you want to have a serious look at all of the blessings we have as a family, which might have been forgotten in moments of self-indulgence in pity or the like.
Saturday started the joy of two high school graduations and a baby blessing. I slept in, dreaming I was on the most beautiful beach in the world, listening to the lulling sound of the surf. At 10:15 Rachel, Andrea, Matt, and I went to Matt's last soccer game. It was the first time I had remembered to bring the digital camera to one of Matt's games this year. The first waves on anguish for the day came as Matt had two rotations on the sidelines, one rotation as goalie, and only two rotations where I could get any good shots of him. And I didn't get very good photographs. Oh well! Andrea and I left at 11:20, when they broke for half-time, to go to Rob's Graduation from Mayde Creek High School at the Reliant Arena, the old Astro Arena, where Roice, Ben, Paul, Melanie, and Sara graduated. As we drove to the South Loop at 11:45, I recalled Landmark was having their 20 year anniversary at Pavillion 6 of Bear Creek Park, and they had wanted me to come and talk to them about my remembrances of the founding of Landmark at 11:00. Another big wave, breaking the lulling sound of the surf.
There was a major difference between Mayde Creek's graduation ceremony and Taylor High School's graduation ceremony. Of the top ten students at Mayde Creek, 7 went to UT Austin and 1 to UT Dallas. Two of the top ten at Taylor went to UT Austin, and others went to Harvard, Rice, Duke, and other top schools. As we walked in to the stadium, Roice and Sara came up behind us, and they sat with us. It was really hard for me to sit in what used to be the Astro Arena, about where I sat when Melanie graduated, recalling my horror at the joy and happiness of the news that I had finally signed the divorce papers after doing everything I could to delay and cancel the divorce for at least a year, and more like six years. Watching Rob, and knowing he wanted to graduate from High School and not just have the GED (../0122.html) was what kept me from breaking out in tears. I love Andrea, and I am very happy with where my life is, and I don't understand why there had to be so much pain and anguish, and why those feelings almost overwhelmed me as we revisited the site and sounds and smells and colors of previous feelings of dispair and anguish. Oh well! I snuck in a whistle. Roice blew it very loud. I took pictures. Rob gave me a couple of hugs. There were smiles all around. It was joy.
Then was Rachel's graduation. We sat in a different place. Grandma Shirts was with us. Matt was off on the other side, and then he came back. It was different and it was the same. I am very proud of Rachel. I feel like I have been able to help her, and that this help will prove to be significant over the course of her life. I feel cut out of Rob's life, and that I have not been able to help him in the same way and at the same critical turning points of his life. Rachel's hug after the graduation brought a feeling of joy that lingers to tonight. Roice and Sara joined Rachel, Matt, Grandma Shirts, Andrea, and me at the Olive Garden by AstroWorld for a graduation dinner. It was good. A perfect end to a nice day, and it pulled me back out of the waves of anguish onto the beach of joy. We got home about 8:30. Matt and I went to get some supplies for the Big Bend High Adventure (0222.html), Andrea went down to Jillian's to help blow up balloons and set up decorations for Project Graduation, and Rachel left for Project Graduation about 10:00. I was wiped out and went to sleep about 10:30. Andrea got home about 12:45, made salad for the party in Vidor this afternoon, and came to bed about 1:30. It is no wonder she fell asleep in church.
Colby Cade Wright's blessing was joy. There was some anguish tied to the meeting. The talks were exceptional, and I cried. I did fall asleep for a minute during the High Counselor's talk, and I got a bad time about having done that. Oh well! Jared's Mom taught Sunday School, and did an exceptional job. Her lesson was about Naomi, Ruth, and Hannah. Jared's Uncle taught High Priest, and also did an exceptional job. His lesson was about testimony. It was a good day and very uplifting. Just what the sabbath is suppose to be.
We went back to the Wright's after church, and had a lunch for about 50 people on `the pavillion.' Jared's next younger sister got married on Saturday, and except for her, all 11 brothers and sisters, wives and children, as well as everyone else related in the surrounding houses was there. It reminded me of the times my cousins and uncles and aunts would all get together at Grandma Nelson's house. Dad had 4 sisters and 3 brothers, and all of them had large familes. I'm sorry you 10 kids didn't experience this. Hopefully you will be able to experience it with our family over the coming years and decades. What a meal. I ate too much. Oh well! It was sure good. And Colby Cade slept through it all. I did bring my guitar, even though there had not been any feedback from the Thoughtlet where I suggested it might be appropriate. Melaine asked if I brought it, and seemed pleased. I sang `Froggie Learns The Gospel,' `Sara's Song,' `Melanie's Song,' `A Lullabye, Roice's Song,' and `I Once Knew A Family.' It was fun. No it was more than fun. It was the culmunation of this portion of a lifetime of work. Joy: two graduations and a baby blessing."