cc: file, Grandma Hafen via Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, Claude and Katherine Warner, Lloyd and Luana Warner. Diane Cluff, Andrea Nielson, and Heather and Nate Pace
"It is wonderful to learn from you kids. This week I received the following in an e-mail from Roice, from which I derived the theame of `Involvement' for this week's Thoughtlet:
My response included:
Then I received this response:
Ego is a powerful force. I have a big ego. It is hard for me to not make sure others understand I have thought through those subjects which are important to me. I probably have over 20 journals with notes about my life and thoughts and actions and ideas and beliefs and minutes of meetings, particularly church meetings, which I felt were important. Then there are all of the video tapes and 3-D photos and regular photos and boxes and boxes and boxes of stuff which Melanie, Paul, and now Sara have been sorting and organizing for me to expand the documentation of my life. It has always been my tendency to collect stuff like rocks and stamps and coins and movie ticket stubs and hotel shampoos and airline travel bags, etc. I recall how impressed I was when I first read about Buckmninster Fuller's `obsession' with documenting every aspect of his life. It made sense to me that someone in the future would find this stuff useful, and so I have taken the time to write in diaries, keeping stuff from travels and activities, and to take photos. Until I read Roice's e-mail I never saw this obsession with documentation as running away from involvement in life. I can see how it can be preceived as such in the moment, and hope it will turn out to provide a way to live life at least three times: once when it happens, once when it is documented, and once every time the documentation is reviewed.
Speaking of documentation, I spent several hours today downloading digital photos I have taken since February and had not put on the Web. New photos are at http://www.walden3d.com/photos and include detail closeups of Roice's painting (overture*), my painting (rapture*), Philmont_Prehike*, Easter99*, SaraProm*, some new work Ken Turner has been doing on the idea for paintings describing the names of the Savior (Savior*), some individual photos of Rob and Melanie, and of course a whole directory of photos from our trip to DisneyLand and our visit with the Cluff family (http://www.walden3d.com/photos/disneyland/*). I hope you all enjoy these efforts to document our lives.
Ego can be destructive, specifically since it can drive one to justify the mistakes of their life. When one has too strong of a personality, whether that be from an over-abundance of either self confidence or self-importance, it is easy to fall into the traps described in the 121st section of the Doctrine & Covenants, which I quoted in the Thoughtlet titled `Invasion of Privacy' (.../9815.html). This is where we are taught about `unrightous dominion,' which is a natural consequence of ego and over involvement. I recognize I do not need to justify my choices to you kids. At the same time, I apologize for those times I have crossed over the line dividing Satan's work from the Savior's, and have let self-justification keep me from apologizing. My intentions have always been pure, and I now recognize my methodoligies have sometimes not been appropriate. I choose to write my feelings out in detail in these Thoughtlets in the hope you will come to see how much I love each one of you and with the belief another perspective will someday help you each get in touch with your own feelings in order to maximize the happiness and joy of your own lives. Maybe it is not the best kind of involvement and maybe it is too late to make up for traveling around the world and not playing enough with you kids when you were growing up. Then again, maybe these efforts will be useful to some of you.
Involvement in work has been so intense there has not been much time this week to follow the news. What I have picked up, in scanning the paper, about the kids in Colorado, seems directly related to how much involvement there was of adults and other teenagers in their lives. They were missing the role-models and the mentors and someone who cared about them. I recognize, in regards to you, my children, for most of your childhood, I was out saving the world and not there to support and help you. This did not nor does it mean I don't love and want absolutely the best for each of you. Nor does in mean I did not nor do not want to be involved in any of your lives. I hope these Thoughtlets get beyond my ego and show the truth of these words to each one of you.
In terms of my week, Monday was spent catching up on e-mail and grouping from all of the professional involvement the previous week. Roger Anderson and Bob Mischler were in town to work on the business plan we have been developing. Monday night John Wearing and I flew to Lafayette, LA. Rob took care of Family Home Evening for me. Thanks. I gave the keynote speach at the Southwestern Louisiana Geophysical Society Spring Symposium on Visualization. It went well. We had good meetings with The University of Southwestern Louisiana, Conoco, Marathon, and Spirit 76. Wednesday was spent working with Roger and company, and I got home from a planning dinner about 10:00 PM. These meetings continued on Thursday with a visit to a prime client. It turned out I was 50 minutes late for a meeting with my friend Dr. Deitrich Welte from Julich, Germany. It was good to see him again. We also had meetings on the AAPG, and getting the new sales force involved with the development process. I finally got to doing my laundary on Thursday evening.
Friday there was an OTC (Offshore Technology Conference) planning meeting, a management meeting, lunch with a guy caught up in the downsizing at Amoco, follow-up on the GSH Symposium, in addition to getting ready for my trip to London next week and documenting all of the contacts I have made and stuff I have been involved in over the last couple of weeks. The campout, a Philmont pre-hike was cancelled, and so I went to the movie `Never Been Kissed.' Filtering out the `shock value stuff' in almost all movies today, I enjoyed the message and felt it was a pretty good movie. It showed how our involvement in life is necessary to find ourselves. It also stressed the fact that everyone in the world has feelings of being shuned and ridiculed by the students and faculty in High School, and by co-workers and bosses at work. It is something we have to understand and accept, especially if we are going to find joy in life.
Saturday was spent taking a run two-thirds the way around the block, cleaning out my closet, taking Sara to lunch, going to an Open House for Ken Turner, and working on getting the house ready for the upcoming additions to our family. Roice, I want to publichally thank you again for your insights. I will think about your words for months if not years, and see great wisdom in what you wrote to me. I look forward to the ongoing involvement of each of you in my life, hope it will be more rather than less, and hope my efforts to document how much I love each of you are beneficial on a very personal basis."
