Deals

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Dear Paul, Melanie, Rob, Roice, and Ben,

cc: file, Diane Cluff, Darrell and Nancy Krueger, Sara and Des Penny, Grandma Hafen via Tony Hafen, Claude and Katherine Warner, and Lloyd and Luana Warner.

Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea, belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail box at any time.

"Last Sunday, when I called my Mom, she said `I love you.' Despite my weekly calls, semi-regular letters, and a lot of trips Utah to visit her since the stroke in 1983 (many of which we couldn't afford), I have worked through a lot of anger relative to my Mom, have said really nasty things to her over the years, and she has had good reasons to seldom, if ever, say those words to me. During the call I mentioned we were having meetings with potential investors for Walden Visualization Systems on Wednesday morning. Mom asked how much money we were trying to raise. When I told her $15 million she said `Well that should be enough!' Then when we finished talking and I said `I love you,' she repeated it back to me. Usually it is just like tonight, `OK, Good Bye.' I wondered if it was just the fact I mentioned a lot of money? Despite the cynicism of my thoughts, I cried as I hung up the phone.

I have been thinking all week about what you kids must think of me. I fear you will have the same feelings towards me I have had towards my Mom. I fear you will just see my attempts to have you keep curfew, or keep the commandments, and not the love behind my efforts. It is a fact, I keep up this weekly effort because I am striving to help you resolve any issues holding you back earlier in your lives than I did. It is also a fact I know the devistating effect of divorce, even on those children who have left home, and I want you to know life goes on. It is important to talk about your feelings, and I hope my openness and efforts will make this easier for you, when you are ready. I recognize I have been a stickler about the commandments, and today in Sunday School, Brent Weber, the teacher, quoted the Savior where he said to `a certian ruler' who asked what to do in order to inherit eternal life':

`Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honour thy father and thy mother.' Luke 18:20

I want you kids to know I will love you whether or not you choose to keep these commandments, cerfew, or other family and social rules. Even if you broke a combination of these basic rules of our society, like be a party to an abortion, I will still love you. I fear you don't know how much I love you. I am afraid you will have the uncertianty and sarcasm I expressed above about my Mom's expression of love. Although these uncertianties create a motivation to prove oneself acceptable, it ends up creating a much harder road of life than is necessary. I hope by pouring out my heart in these Thoughtlets it gets you thinking about your motivations, about what you want to do in your life and in preparation for life after death, and that what you choose makes you happy now and will bring you optimal joy in the eternities.

As I look back at this week, it seems to be the week of making deals. It is fun to make a deal, and it is suprising how few of them ever amount to anything. I remember Grandma Hafen talking about Uncle Glenn's deals and telling me `He needs to be a bigshot.' I have wondered if I have the same motivation as I go about my professional life. Anyway, I thought I would make a list of deals I am working on, and let you think about which one of the deals would make you happy if you were in my shoes, and why.

  1. Several months ago I agreed to a deal to help Roger Anderson at Lamont find a programmer for a finder's fee of $15,000. In addition, Roger agreed to pay Argie Rhuman $10,000 to build an map based description of how NRMI technologies fit physical geologic parameters. The deals with Lamont also include providing training on 4-D software by Bill Resley.
  2. A month ago I agreed to pay Angus Jamiason the first $15,000 for some software optimizing directional drilling planning over February, March, and April. This week he sold the prototype version of related software to AIOC for $60,000, of which WVS will earn a $6,000 commission. The initial images displayed in Virtual Reality look very nice.
  3. A few weeks ago I signed an agreement with MuSE technologies committing to sell $100,000 of their software this quarter, and next quarter, and $4,000,000 over the next three years, of which WVS earns a reasonable royalty in exchange for be a VAR (Value Added Reseller) of their software.
  4. I finally signed the agreement with The University of Houston, giving us the right to distribute VR-Viz, the VETL developed Virtual Reality Software. We committed to paying $25,000 within six months of executing the agreement, or upon funding of WVS, and to pay the University $50,000 in software royalties the first calendar year, $100,000 the second, and $200,000 the third.
  5. We demonstrated Terra Nova's software and talked about a deal to represent this JAVA mapping system front-end to a data base through WVS.
  6. We are discussing deals with Robertson Research and Energy Innovations to place ROOMS (sm) [Reservoir Object Oriented Management System, about $2,000,000] and/or ROOF (sm) [ROOMS (sm) Open Office Facility, about $5,000,000] in London, Aberdeen, Caracus, Cairo, and / or Perth.
  7. We gave presentations to PGS Data Management showing how Virtual Reality and the Knowledge Backbone could be used by their company. We have $65,000 in potential work orders and the possiblity of several million dollars in business over the next few years.
  8. SeisStrat Services, Inc., Davis Crude, Inc., and WVS Corp. signed a non-circumvent agreement, which deal says if Bob Davis and WVS help raise a $25 million drilling fund for Magness Petroleum, we will each take one-third of a $300,000 commission and each get a 1% override on Fault Block One of the Willmington Field, which has 100 million barrels of proven in place oil. This deal is worth $15 million.
  9. I drove up to Texas A&M and met with one of my friends, Professor Joel Watkins. He is sufficiently interested in what WVS and NRMI are doing he gave me a tape with maps he normally sells for $75,000 on. Our deal is that if WVS or NRMI ever sells any of the maps we will get a reasonable royalty, say $25,000 to A&M.
  10. John Amason, Ron Burgerner, Gary Crouse, Rhonda, and I gave an outstanding demonstration and discussion at the VETL on Wednesday morning where the deal was asking for $15 million in funding WVS in exchange for 70% of the company stock.

As interesting as these deals are, it was an e-mail from Ben that touched me most deeply this week. He sent me the following on Wednesday:

`I thought you all would like this Love, Ben Subject: Who you are makes a difference! Who You Are Makes A Difference... A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in high school by telling them the difference they each made. Using a process developed by Helice Bridges of Del Mar, California, she called each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told them how the student made a difference to her and the class. Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference." Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom and report back to the class in about a week. One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and put it on his shirt. Then he gave him two extra ribbons, and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like you to go out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please report back to me and tell me what happened." Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, "Well, sure." The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss's jacket above his heart. As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, "Would you do me a favor? Would you take this extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring somebody else? The young boy who first gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects people." That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat him down. He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I'm a creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says 'Who I Am Makes A Difference' on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about you. I want to honor you. "My days are really hectic and when I come home I don't pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school and for your bedroom being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You're a great kid and I love you! "The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, "I was planning on committing suicide tomorrow, Dad, because I didn't think you loved me. Now I don't need to." -Helice Bridges If you have anyone who means a lot to you, I encourage you to send them this message and let them know. You never know what kind of difference a little encouragement can make to a person. Send it to all of the people who mean anything important to you, or send it to the one or two people who mean the most. Or just smile and know that someone thinks that you are important, or you wouldn't have received this in the first place. : ) Remember that I give you a blue ribbon! Who you are makes a difference! And I wanted you to know you mean a lot to me! You make a Difference! Pass It On ! Have a great day!'

Although I had read this story before, having it come from Ben deeply touched my emotions. I cried again, and not because I was sad.

The deals are interesting. The upside and the downside of the various things I am working on is exciting. As you can see some of the deals have the potential to make a lot of money. Does this bring happiness? Some of the deals have the potential to make the world a better place. Does this bring joy? Some of the deals have the potential to create fame. Is this the basis of the pride before the fall? Some of the deals can be personally fullfilling. Is the risk worth the effort? Let me be more specific:

  1. Friday evening when I got home and went in my office Rhonda, my assistant, had written on the white board: `We got a signed columbia contract and Purchase Order for $29,000.'
  2. There was an invoice for the second $5,000 payment to Tech 21, neither of which there is enough money to pay.
  3. The company I had scheduled to visit MuSE postponed, and there is less than a month to make the first sales committments, and we don't have our money in place to make the $100,000 order ourselves.
  4. The VETL can not afford for WVS to keep giving demonstrations and to keep interrupting on-going research. Therefore we have to start paying $500 per hour to use the ROOMS (sm) there.
  5. We can not afford to put any resources behind packaging Terra Nova's software until funding comes through.
  6. No one wants to buy the first of these centers, and progress depends on getting funding and demonstating results.
  7. The PGS management did not like one of the presentations and I have to go into their offices in the morning and see if I can save the deal.
  8. There is another group out raising the money, and it is a horse race to see who will get the money committed first.
  9. After talking to Joel, I went to see Dr. Tony Gangi. He punched my gut and said I need to loose some weight. He retired 4 years ago, and his wife died 9 years ago. It was good to see him, and especially to have him explain some of the research he has been working on. I worry as to whether I will be able to get any money back to A&M for the maps.
  10. Of the six investors we talked to on Wednesday, 4 are interested. Even though any one of them could write the $15 million check, they tend to want to spread their risk around. And yes, once again I am breaking my rules and working with friends and church members: John and Ron. When I called for Ron and Linda Burgerner answered the phone I asked her what she thought about Ron's interest in being the WVS Chief Financial Officer. She said it is very exciting and they have both prayed about it and both feel good about it. I said, `Even though I am a failure?' She responded `Roice, don't ever say that to me! You are not a failure and I love you.' I found myself crying, yet again.

To me, fullfillment in life is not the deals, it always comes back to keeping the commandments. An important component is to always tell the truth. It was fun to hear Grandma Hafen talk to me about her reaction to what I wrote about her in my Thoughtlet on the movie Titanic tonight. She has had the biggest kick calling her friends and seeing if they agreed with my words about how she is like the Grandmother in the movie. I realize I harp on keeping the commandments a lot, and I know you each realize I practice what I preach. I thought the older of you kids might enjoy a New Age version - `Thou shalt' instead of `Thou shalt not' - of the commandments I came across recently:

`TEN COMMITMENTS You shall know that you have taken the path to God, and you shall know that you have found God, for there will be these signs, these indications, these changes in you. 1. You shall love God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul. And there shall be no other God set before Me. No longer will you worship human love, or success, money, or power, nor any symbol thereof. You will set aside these things as a child sets aside toys. Not because they are unworthy, but because you have outgrown them. And, you shall know you have taken the path to God because: 2. You shall not use the name of God in vain. Nor will you call upon Me for frivolous things. You will understand the power of words, and of thoughts, and you would not think of invoking the name of God in an unGodly manner. You shall not use My name in vain because you cannot. For My name-the Great "I Am"-is never used in vain (that is, without result), nor can it ever be. And when you have found God, you shall know this. And, I shall give you these signs as well: 3. You shall remember to keep a day for Me, and you shall call it holy. This, so that you do not long stay in your illusion, but cause yourself to remember who and what you are. And then shall you soon call every day the Sabbath, and every moment holy. 4. You shall honor your mother and your father-and you will know you are the Son of God when you honor your Father/Mother God in all that you say or do or think. And even as you so honor the Mother/Father God, and your father and mother on Earth (for they have given you life), so, too, will you honor everyone. 5. You know you have found God when you observe that you will not murder (that is, willfully kill, without cause). For while you will understand that you cannot end another's life in any event (all life is eternal), you will not choose to terminate any particular incarnation, nor change any life energy from one form to another, without the most sacred justification. Your new reverence for life will cause you to honor all life forms-including plants, trees and animals-and to impact them only when it is fot he highest good. And these other signs will I send you also, that you may know you are on the path: 6. You will not defile the purity of love with dishonesty or deceit, for this is adulterous. I promise you, when you have found God, you shall not commit this adultry. 7. You will not take a thing that is not your own, nor cheat, nor connive, nor harm another to have any thing, for this would be to steal. I promise you, when you have found God, you shall not steal. Nor shall you. . . 8. Say a thing that is not true, and thus bear false witness. Nor shall you. . . 9. Covet your neighbor's spouse, for why would you want your neighbor's spouse when you know all others are your spouse? 10. Covet your neighbor's goods, for why would you want your neighbor's goods when you know that all goods can be yours, and all your goods belong to the world? You will know that you have found the path to God when you see these signs. For I promise that no one who truly seeks God shall any longer do these things. It would be impossible to continue such behaviors. These are your freedoms, not your restrictions. These are my commitments, not my commandments. For God does not order about what God has created-God merely tells God's children: this is how you will know that you are coming home.' Conversations with God -an uncommon dialogue- book 1, page 96-97, by Neale Donald Walsch, 1996, Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc.

To this I add:

11. As you pay an honest tithe you will learn the power of proper money management, the importance of saving, the unimportance of money and possessions, coming to recognize we only take with us the information knowledge, wisdom, and experiences when we leave this life, and as this is internalized, the windows of heaven truly are opened and we are able to do good - to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted (Jacob 2:19) and to find joy.

And:

12. As you live the letter of the Word of Wisdom (D&C 89) you will receive health in the navel, marrow to the bones, finding wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures, and shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint, and shall be passed by the destroying angels of alcholism, addiction, obesity, aids, etc.

It brings out my fears, Rob when you don't come to sacrament meeting and don't come and talk to me in Priesthood opening exercises. It is hard for me that Sara doesn't choose to spend much time with me, and isn't interested in these Thoughtlets at this time. Melanie, I worry when you tell me you go to church each Sunday, and don't come to church on the weekend you visit Houston. Paul, I see a Finnish train crash in the paper and know you went to Finland to get a visa and worry about you. Ben and Sara, when you expressed interest in attending Pairs, and then were not able make the orientation and didn't say anything when we had lunch on Friday, it pushes my buttons. I recognize this is my problem. Roice when you miss sending an e-mail one week, please know I worry about you. However, as Aunt Luana said to me via e-mail this last week: `Surely your children will and do realize that above all else, they matter. That is the message I get.' I love you each much more than any of the deals! In a real sense the deals are a distraction from the emotional pain I still feel. However, I am getting better and am very optimistic about my and your futures.

Sometimes, no usually, I don't put my fears and regrets in proper perspective. I hope I did better tonight. I'm sorry this Thoughtlet is so long. I'm just trying to tell each one of you how much I love you in a way you will someday, and hopefully today, be able to hear. Maybe one of you will even share a tear with me, even if temporily separated by time and space. Maybe someday I will have enough self-confidence I don't need to be told I am loved."

I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of daily life. If you ever want to download any of these thoughtlets, they are posted at http://www.walden3d.com/hrnmen or you can e-mail me at rnelson@walden3d.com.

With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)

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Copyright © 1998 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.