04 Nov 2001 #0145.html

Disappointed

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Dear Paul and Kate, Melanie and Jared, Bridget and Justin, Sara, Ben and Sarah, Heather, Audrey, Rachel, and Matt via hardcopy,

cc: file, Tony Hafen, Pauline Nelson via mail, Sara and Des Penny, Lloyd and Luana Warner, Diane Cluff, Maxine Shirts, and Sherri Nelson.

Welcome to "Thoughtlets." This is a weekly review of an idea, belief, thought, or words that will hopefully be of some benefit to you, my children, with an electronic copy to on-line extended family members. Any of you can ask me not to clutter your mail box at any time.

"I have attempted to keep the Thoughtlets positive, and so I have been debating with myself all morning about my topic of choice this week. I have decided to stick with my initial selection, even though writing about being disappointed can come across as being negative, because disappointment is such a basic emotion. We have all been disappointed, and we will all be disappointed again. The concept behind what I wish to touch on this week is wonderfully presented by Lehi to Jacob, the younger brother of Nephi in II Nephi 2:8-16:

`Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise. Wherefore, he is the firstfruits unto God, inasmuch as he shall make intercession for all the children of men; and they that believe in him shall be saved. And because of the intercession for all, all men come unto God; wherefore, they stand in the presence of him, to be judged of him according to the truth and holiness which is in him. Wherefore, the ends of the law which the Holy One hath given, unto the inflicting of the punishment which is affixed, which punishment that is affixed, to answer the end of the atonement - For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilnderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insibiility. Wherefore, it must needs have been created for a thing of naught; wherefore there would have been no purpose in the end of its creation. Wherefore, this thing must needs destroy the wisdom of God and his eternal purposes, and also the power, and the mercy, and the justice of God. And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away. And now, my sons, I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon. And to bring about his eternal purposes in the end of man, after he had created our first parents, and the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, and in fine, all things which are created, it must needs be that there was an opposition; even the forbidden fruit in opposition to the tree of life; the one being sweet and the other bitter. Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. Wherefore, man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other.'


The hard part about disappointment, one of the bitter fruits of life, is that it only occurs when we are deeply involved in or with someone or something, and then something goes different than we expect or want or know it should be. Sometimes our disappointment, or the failure to meet our expectations, is serious, and often it is not. However, as often as it is not serious, it seems to lead to issues which are serious. And the only way we recognize disappointment is by comparison with its opposite, namely those times when we feel joy and pride and fullfillment. For instance, Thursday I received a card from Sara Ellyn, which said:

`Dad, I'm sorry I've been absolutely terrible at keeping in touch. Working to pay for France and school both keep me more than busy, but they're both so worth it! I hope all is well at good 'ole 1307 Emerald Green, and I hope to be home soon to visit. Have a great birthday. I miss you. Toujours, Sara Ellyn'


Thanks for the card Sara! And I start with this example, because I anticipate presenting the positive can also ring in the negative, i.e. disappointment. When my sister Sara called on on Saturday to wish me a happy birthday, she mentioned Sarah and Melanie have both sent cards and notes to Grandma Nelson, and how much she appreciates them. I understand, and I encourage each of you to sit down and write a letter to your Grandmother (Nelson or Shirts) on a regular basis, at least every Fast Sunday. Rachel wrote me a lovely two page letter, which I won't quote because of the personal nature of her comments. She closed with `I love you and thank you. I hope that this day and the rest of your birthdays are filled with even more joy and happiness.' Thanks Rachel, more than I have words to say, for being you and for the joy and happiness you have brought to my life. And Audrey and Heather, thanks for calling and for wishing me a happy birthday. For what it is worth, I do not consider my birthday to be a very big deal, and yet it was nice to be remembered.

So why did I pick this topic. Friday evening, I received the following e-mail from Trevor Wilson at Woodside Petroleum:

`Roice, I arrived back last Sunday from the Four Corners area having really enjoyed all the sights we saw over the 2 weeks of our vacation. That part of the US is much more spectacular than the same areas in Australia simply because of the canyons and mountains. Unfortunately we had to replace the transmission in the Jeep in Show Low Arizona which took 8 days. While this was being done we hired a car but we did not reach out into the western area where I think you told me you were raised as we had limited mileage on the rental. In all it was a great trip. This past week I have reviewed the information sent to you by Brad and Dave, and also spent some time by video conference to Perth talking to my boss Agu Kantsler about the onshore proposal. The bulk of my conversation about Woodsides' desire to go onshore in the USA related to how we will be working with Shell and other companies in the US in future. Recent events have changed this outlook (which is highly confidential) to the extent that we will be unable to anything more that review Richard Nehrings database to gain some vital statisics on the onshore. To this end, I am proposing that we either purchase Richards database and do the work ourselves, or get Richard to consult to us to do the data mining that way. Dave still has a quote from Richard regarding access to his data received prior to our meeting in October which he will pursue. I do appreciate all the effort that you, Brad and Dave have put into getting a project going, but regret that our business model is still somewhat fluid in Woodside at this time. Please feel free to call me to discuss this outcome if you need further clarification. When the future becomes clearer with respect to our US business model we may be able to resurrect the proposal. Regards, Trevor Wilson General Manager - Woodside Energy (USA) Inc.'


Disappointed is actually a mild word to describe my feelings as I read these words. Based on the agreement we had verbally made and basically shook hands on, the contract to Dynamic would have provided enough cash to fund the expenditures at 1307 Emerald Green each month through at least May of 2002, and probably would have provided enough cash to pay of the credit cards (For instance, I'm still paying for plane tickets to see Paul off on his mission and to ordain him a High Priest and to stand in the circle when he was set apart to be in the Bishopric). Oh well! Not much I can do when the General Manager doesn't really have the authority to implement the plans he has agreed to undertake.

I guess being disappointed has been a theme with my work this week. On Monday Dennis McMullin sent me an e-mail asking when we could get together for lunch. I wrote back `Today,' and so we met down at Macaroni Grill at 11:30. He want's to use the Knowledge Backbone(SM) to assist in indexing some data for a major oil company client for his company. The disappointment was that they have no money for consulting, and it will probably be February before I would see any cash out of working with them. Tuesday I got a wonderful call from Darion O'Brien at Western Gas Resources. He looked at the web site I created for Western Gas, and was blown away. To the degree he asked if he could have a job working for Dynamic. I told him he could if he brought the salary. I was disappointed in that he has to sell several people in his company on working with Dynamic, and it could take some time.

Tuesday evening our new neighbors down the street at 1507 Emerald Green, Tim and Lynette Stevens from my mission in England, called and asked if they could go to the temple with us, as they `aren't exactly sure where it is.' It was a wonderful experience. Andrea's Mom is here for her annual visit to the Houston Quilt Show, and she went with us. I sat on the third row of chairs in the endowment session. Sue Feil was up front and Steve Feil was one of the coordinators. On the first row was Bishop Camp, a new ward member from Columbia with spanish head phones, Andrea's Visiting Teaching Companion's husband, Hugo Moralles, and Jeff Jurinak. In front of me were Doug Talley, Ron Burgener, Bill Hagen, Gary Jones, and Tim Gebauer (one of our Home Teachers). Floyd Lunt, our other Home Teacher, was at 1307 Emerald Green with Brother Short packing all of the tree trunk and pieces off of our front lawn for future scout trips. On my row was Bill Harlan, Tim Stevens, Brent Peterson, and Mike Pickerd. Steve Saatkamp, who's wife Loni is Matt's math tutor, and others were sitting in back of us. It's only been 5 days, and I'm not positive on all of the names. The only thing that disappointed me about the evening was that I made a couple of comments to President Burgener as we were changing clothes that could have gone unsaid. Yet even in the lovely and wonderful and comforting environment of the temple it is possible to be disappointed.

Most of the time this week was spent building IG5 maps (Infiinite Grid maps with 7.5' Longitude and 3.75' Latitude grid cells) of the United States. I am disappointed in how long this project has taken. It might take all my spare time next week to finish it up. Wednesday at lunch I did take a break and go to lunch with Andrea and Grandma Shirts at Landry's Seafood Resturant. Kate called and faxed a paper associated with selling their Saturn, which Grandma Shirts witnessed my signature on.

Thursday morning Martha Kernohan from Bosie, Idaho and Andrew Hampf, both of Bosie Cascade, came to 1307 Emerald Green to talk about how Dynamic can help them find hydrocarbons on over 100,000 acreas of mineral acerage they own in Louisiana. Interesting meeting, and I was disappointed they have no cash to put into the project. Friday I left for Chroma at 7:00 AM with the PC computer Matt's games are on upstairs. I am definitely out of shape, and it showed by the time I made three trips carrying the computer, monitor, and other stuff to the second floor and got them all set up. We had good training on SpotFire. Dick Coons, Sam LeRoy, and several from Chroma were there. We are going to put together examples of the value of SpotFire in exchange for use of the software. It is very powerful, and the training went well. Dick, Sam, and I went to lunch afterwards. Then I met with Peter Duncan. He is changing right before my eyes with the success that has come to Chroma. Interesting. Disappointing too. I met with Chroma's Martin Estill and Martha and Andy from Bosie Cascade at Dave Agarwal's new office on the 4th floor above where HyperMedia had our offices from 4-5:30. It seems so hard to come to closure. Easy to be disappointed.

Friday was Rob's birthday. Rachel helped pick out some nice shirts for him. I tried to find his apartment on the way home. After going to two service stations, I ended up calling Andrea and having her look it up on MapQuest.com and give me directions to Westborough Drive. It was the first time I have been at the apartment, and neither Rob nor Marti were home. I left the present with a neighbor. I left there really disappointed. When Marti and I got married, I never envisioned it ending up with her in an apartment like this. I'm sure it is nice inside, and the entrance might as well be the backdoor to K-Mart. I know how much Marti disliked our first apartment in Dallas, in the Nottingham Apartments. Disappointed is one summary of the feelings of failure, sadness, and remorse as I drove back over to the house. Even though it is not my choices that led here there, and it is none of my business if she is happy with it or not. I am glad I didn't get intimidated into moving out of 1307 Emerald Green. Andrea, Grandma Shirts, and I ended up watching a movie called `The Net' on TV Friday night.

Saturday started with waffles, then choir practice, then working on the maps, then Matt's soccer game (he made his first goal of the season, and it was a beauty), working on the maps, and watching an Audrey Hepburn movie I'd never seen (Wait Until Dark). Then Grandma Shirts took Andrea, Rachel, Matt, and me to dinner at The Goode Seafood Company, and we all went to see `Monsters, Inc.' Great movie. Hope all of you get to see it. I'm disappointed I was not able to take all of you with me to see this Pixar/Disney movie, like in the old days. And Ben, the Star Wars Episode II preview is short clips, and neat. It took me an hour or so when we got home to make a flyer for Latter-Day Night Live. And we ran out of ink on the copier and had to recopy about 50 of the flyers when I got up this morning.

Today has been a good day. Fast & Testimony was touching. Marion Pickerd is the Gospel Doctrine teacher. She does a good job. Priesthood meeting was about the family, and I always have all of these mixed emotions as I hear things I did wrong, and ignore things I did right. I had occasion to recall when I was in college, the fall of 1969 after the feds shut down Nelson Packing Company. I lived in the Fraternity House. I had no money. I bought a meal ticket at Ballif Hall for one meal a day. And I would stock up on dinner every night. I was so worried about money and being a burden on Mom and Dad, I would only eat this one meal each day. And was no meals at Ballif Hall on the ticket on weekends. So I would eat raw uncooked speghetti and anything else I could find or scrounge at the Frat House. Of course, now I look back and see how foolish this was, and how I simply needed to open my mouth and ask for some help, and I would have had all the help I needed, and it would not have been a burden to anyone. Amazing how our perceptions and our fears create the biggest burdens we carry around. And we end up being disappointed because we don't have all of the facts.

And if I can feel this strongly disappointed at the business things that happened this week, imagine how disappointed I can feel about the emotional events regarding family, and those I love, and which I can seldom find the words to adequately describe. With the fear of offending or saying too much, I thought I would close this Thoughtlet with a list of things that have disappointed me, with the unrealistic hope that each of you will never find yourselves in a position to be disappointed in the same way.

It is not good to take responsibility for the less than perfect choices of others. I'm disappointed I feel a need to do this, and hope you will help me find ways and words to lovingly call those to repentance who are at risk. From a more positive standpoint, I wrote two stanzas in High Priest Quorum today, which will possibly be incorporated into Prime Words:

Based on Brother Gatherum's comments: `People don't like to be Around unhappy people We all would rather see Smiles rising like a steeple'
Based on Brother Jack Sky's comments: `Don't cheat yourself Leaving late and speeding Seeking worldly wealth Not controlling eating'


We all need to learn from being disappointed. We all need to live so we will not be disappointed. We all need to give others their free agency, so they are the ones who become disappointed, with the hope it will result in a reversal of misaction. We all need to find the joy on the otherside of being disappointed. I hope you each choose to find joy and find ways to minimize dissapointment. Have a great week. I sure intend to!"

I'm interested in sharing weekly a "thoughtlet" (little statements of big thoughts which mean a lot to me) with you because I know how important the written word can be. I am concerned about how easy it is to drift and forget our roots and our potential among all of distractions of daily life. To download any of these thoughtlets go to http://www.walden3d.com/thoughtlets or e-mail me at rnelson@walden3d.com.

With all my love,
Dad
(H. Roice Nelson, Jr.)

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Copyright © 2001 H. Roice Nelson, Jr.