cc: file, Mom, Sara and Des, Lloyd and Luana Warner, Darrell and Nancy Krueger, Diane Cluff, Tony Hafen, Claude and Katherine Warner, Forest and Amy Warner, Ivan and Chell Warner, and Eric and Renee Miner
"Edy Smith died Monday. Her Memorial Service was Wednesday at 4:00 at the Katy Stake Center. Edy is my friend.
I met Edy when I was first called as a Stake Missionary. The Elders had tracked out her husband Mike. They asked him if he had heard of Joseph Smith. He basically said, `You mean the prophet?' They asked if he had heard of the Book of Mormon. He basically said, `You mean the scripture about Christ in America that compliments the Bible?' They started teaching him, and soon reached the lesson about the word of wisdom. He basically said, `You mean I need to stop smoking, drinking alcohol, coffee, and tea? Ok.' And he joined the church in eary 1996. I was assigned as Mike's Home Teacher. Edy was not always receptive to our visits. She did not live the word of wisdom, and was not interested in the church. Particularly when she was not sober or was otherwise high.
Then a little over a year ago she fell in the shower. Her son Todd found her, called 911, and she was life-flighted to Herman Hospital in the Medical Center. They operated for a subdurmal hematomia (sp?). The Doctors discovered a malignent brain cancer which had taken over a large part of Edy's brain. She had been in a terrible car accident 20+ years before, and had a serious head injury. The shock certainly was the basis for the cancer. They sewed her up and gave her six weeks to live.
I visited Edy about every other week in the hospital and later in the two nursing homes she lived in. About Christmas I asked her if she would be interested in having missionary lessons to learn more about Mike's new church. She was no longer smoking, drinking, or using drugs. She expressed interest, and so we, Nottingham Country Ward Stake Missionaries, began to teach her. When it came time to issue a baptisimal challenge, Edy challenged us. She wanted to be baptized on her birthday, which was February 5th. I was working in Austin, she had only had a couple of lessons, but she had been to church with Mike a few times. The guys worked out a plan, arranged to baptize her sitting on a chair, and everything went smoothly. I missed the baptism. However, I taught her the new member lessons, and I really came to enjoyed her big smile and dry wit. She was obviously affected by the tumor, but she was equally obviously still working within the paralysis and the limitations she was dealt by the accident. It was a pleasure to visit her, teach her, and pass the sacrament to her. My cousin Darrell Krueger helped me when he visited in January.
Bishop Daniels called me last Monday morning to give me the news and to ask me to help put together a male choir for the Memorial Service. I called Austin and told them I would not be there until Thursday. There was no question but that I needed to be at the viewing and at the Memorial Service, even though I need the money to make ends meet right now. An hour later I got a phone call with a request for two days of consulting in Houston. As I told your Mom, everything will work out just fine.
The Young Women, Relief Society, and Priesthood had all been visiting Edy since she went in the hospital. There was a lot of support for Mike and the family at the Schmidt Funeral Home and at the Memorial Service. Mike's parents flew in from Montana. A sister came from Austin, a nephew from San Antonio, Edy's step-mother from Dallas, her sisters, 92 year old Uncle and Aunt, and several other relatives. The services and the service were nice. The male choir was put together and headed up by Doug Hastings (Ward Mission Leader), and included Ron Burgerner (High Priest Group Leader and compatriate in 14 years of church stuff), Reynolds Calhoon (White River with Paul), Gary Jones (4 months for me in China and years of support at Landmark), Jeff Jurinak (who took his family to the Middle East several years ago to protect them from the activities at Taylor High School and whose daughter just came home from BYU for the summer), Corwin Slack (who with his wife Andrea expanded on the wonderful ward choir your Mom built up), Del and Alexander Vance (Alexander just received a mission call to Hondoras), myself, and a nineth person I can't remember right now. We sang `Rock of Ages.' The service was very nice. It was a joint service with the Lutherin Minister since Edy was raised Lutheran and since this is the faith of her family. There was a little bit of clashing doctrine preached by the minister (grace) and by our Bishop (pre-existence and nature of God). However, the service was very nice.
As we were walking out the door I found myself next to Linda Burgerner. She put her arm around me and said `You are really a good man.' I put my arm around her waist and said, `No, but you are really a good woman.' She started to protest and I said `You can tell by the fruits.' Ron came up behind us and said, `Yes, look all around you at your fruits.' It took me two or three days to understand what he said. However, I understood Linda's next comment, `Yeh, I am rotten inside.' She has just undergone and recovered from a serious operation. I thought about how life provides the maximum trial for each of us. Just enough to polish us, and just right for what we need to become better people. Even almost perfect people like the Burgerners.
I thought about what I wrote you last week. I thought about the Greek root word for happiness, which means `what happens.' I thought about the changes in Mike's life. I thought about the changes in my life and in your Mom's life. I thought about you kids. I wished I could remove the downward dipping undulations from your lives . And then I realized if God chooses not take away our trials because it takes away our free agency, why should I worry so much about the impact of life and the last few months and years on each of you. I worry because I love you, and yet I am starting to accept the fact I can not force a change of the choices others make. I can just be. Just be an example. Just be a friend. Just be a sounding board. Just be an advisor. Just be your Dad. Just be happy.
I got a new calling today. I am the First Assistant to the new High Priest Group Leader, Corey Grua. My brethern sustained me, despite the stigma of the recent changes in my life. Guess when the tire meets the road, there is no reason not to be happy. Quoting Lyman Hafen in the most recent St. George Magazine as he quotes an interview with Henry Ford by a Chicago Tribune reporter in May of 1916: `History is more or less bunk. It's tradition. We don't want tradition. We want to live in the present and the only history that is worth a tinker's damn is the history we make today.' Lyman goes on to say `We need an anchor to grab. And that anchor is history. History is not bunk.' He continues with a quote from Thomas Monson: `We're living in the most precious and privileged period of all human history - a period of change and challenge and infinite promise. This is an age when man moves toward solving the mysteries of the highest heavens and the deepest oceans. Yet we cannot venture into the uncertainties of the future without reference to the certainties of the past. Our challenge is to join forces of the old and new - experience and experiment, history and destiny, the world of man and the new world science. We turn backward in time that we might go forward in hope.' These ideas of living now, being happy, and documenting what I learn so you can build on lessons I've learned in your own lives is why I write these Thoughtlets for you.
Roice called and seems to be enjoying L.A. Ben and Sarah came to Houston this weekend to review their Meyers-Briggs as part of their preparation to get married in a year. We had a nice TexMex dinner together Friday. Paul has been transferred to Omsk, a 12 hour train ride to the east of Novosibirsk. Melanie called from Phoenix and will probably help me drive the U-Haul truck back from Utah next week. Life is good. I have friends like each of you and Edy and Mike Smith."