cc: file, Sara and Des, Darrell and Nancy Krueger, Diane Cluff, Tony Hafen, Claude and Katherine Warner, Forest and Amy Warner, Ivan and Chell Warner, Eric and Renee Miner, and Eric and Annette Krueger.
"Roice, Ben, Sarah, Rob, and I were on the river trip last week and so I did not get my weekly Thoughtlet sent out. So most of you get two Thoughtlet's this week. Lloyd and Luana are not hooking up their e-mail right away, and Roice won't get copies until I get his e-mail address in Santa Monica.
Last week was a big change in our family. Melanie graduated and I am very proud of her. Melanie I am sorry you feel I messed up your graduation. I am human, I hurt, and I have the right to grieve. Hopefully someday you will be able to accept my right and forgive me. I am sorry circumstances converged on your graduation night. It was nobody's fault nor were there intention to hurt your feelings or ruin your graduation.
As you kids know the divorce papers have been signed and registered with the court. In case you don't know, your Mom has not asked for a temple divorce, and says she is not going to. This gives me hope because I firmly believe in the power of eternal covenants. Along this line of not knowing when and how the blessings associated with covenants are to be received (within the framework of eternity), early Friday morning, after signing the papers and going to Melanie's graduation, Rob and I flew to Utah. There were meetings in Salt Lake with a group called The Energy & Geoscience Institute and in Provo with The Covey Leadership Center. Both went well, and I am optimistic they will both grow into worthwhile projects which will help me achieve some of my professional goals. Rob stayed with Brian Friday night, and I stayed at the farm. However, early Saturday morning I made the 50 mile drive to St. George Dad never chose to make. Uncle Dick, joined with me as I was proxy for Dad making the covenants associated with Washings and Anointings, and Aunt Luana and Aunt Elaine joined us for the Endowment in the St. George temple. It was a special experience for me. I was particularly touched to see Leona, the lady who had taken care of Dad and Mom after Dad's cancer was diagnosed as inoperable in the session company. I did not get to talk to her and so I have no idea if she knew there was the coincidence (http://www.walden3d.com/hrnmen/1997/9715.html) of her being in the session where Dad's endowment was performed. Even though we have some illusions about how easy life is going to be and how well we will be able to manage the trials we are given, there are moments when our spirit is touched by truths beyond the veil and we are comforted. I pray you will each have, at the appropriate time and specifically when you need it, the same feelings of comfort I had early Saturday morning.
Change is always hard, especially when there are a lot of changes over a short period of time. Dad's death, Paul going on a mission, Mom moving to a rest home where she would really rather not be, the 1996 tax issue, divorce, Roice graduating from college and getting his first job, Melanine graduating from High School, Sara getting her first job as a lifeguard, financial trials, and going on a once-in-a-lifetime rafting trip is a lot of change. Thank God all the change has not been negative and there are some real jewels in there to help pull us all through the rapids of life with hope and faith. I remember the summer after my first year of college at The University of Utah. I came home to work on the farm and in Nelson Meat Packing Plant like I had for the six or seven previous summers. At the end of the summer, just before I was to go back to school, the Federal Meat Packing Inspectors visited. Dad knew what their visit meant. I didn't and I was given the task to show them around the facilities. Five years earlier, in 1964, as part of President Lyndon Blaine Johnson's Great Society Programs, there was a law passed called The Wholesome Meat Act. It required all small meat packing plants to meet Federal Inspection requirements within five years or be shut down. The two inspectors who visited were simply implementing the law. Dad had put a lot of stainless steel cabinets in the Plant, but he was under captalized and did not have the resources nor the market to meet and justify the expenditures the law required. The inspectors were nice men (one was a Stake President and I was a relatively newly active member of the church). However, as they toured the Rendering Plant (where all of the guts and skulls and bones and unusable portions of cattle and sheep and pigs were cooked into big cakes for protein for Turkeys and other animals) they started to talk about the `old days' in Kansas City. Days when they had this same smell on their clothes and rode the trolley. Days when open trucks with this stuff drove through the streets of town. It was surrealistic to listen to these men talk about these days and how much they meant to them and then to have them say the plant was closed down effective that day. As I saw the inspectors off and went over to Bob Goodwin and Gerald Black to give them the news two things happened. Both of these men's men (Gerald was 6'4" and probably 250 pounds and Bob could pick up a half of a beef by himself) were in tears. They said, `Roice, don't you ever drop out of school and find yourself in a circumstance like we are in.' Then, like in the movie `Gone With The Wind,' the clouds gathered together as we watched and there was a fall thunderstorm. It was an extremely intense emotional experience.
HyperMedia was my latest opportunity to work through the emotions of this experience from a business standpoint. The heavy thunderstorms and anger of seeing the divorce would happen brought up deep pain and anger from stuff a long time ago. Again, I hope these Thoughtlets help you to understand me a little better, to have a little sympathy for my weaknesses, and to help yourselves work through the changes we are facing better than I have worked through similar changes in my own life. I love each of you guys and gals and unrealistically do not want you to have to face any pain. At least I know you are all stronger than I am and will do just fine in the trials and tribulations accompanying life."